| I'll call my new planet whatever I want!
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(Opens up on Lord Hater's ship, flaming like mad.)
Hater: (from inside) Over?! What do you mean it's...over?!
(Zoom in, cutting to Hater and Peepers watching the jumbotron.)
Hater: But I conqured you! Your planet belongs to me!
Woman: Belonged to you. Look, you really haven't been around a lot lately, so we weren't even sure if you were still under ruling us anymore, so we, like, uh... well, we met someone else.
Hater: Someone else?! Who?! Is it Emperor Awesome? The Black Cube of Darkness? Dominator?!
Woman: It's a it's the, uh
Sourdough: Evil Sandwich! That's right! It is I, Sourdough, the Evil Sandwich! And I have seized control of yet another one of your planets,a Lord Hater.
Hater: Oh, yeah? Well, I didn't even want that stupid planet anyway. I got pleeenty of other planets that are waay better.
Sourdough: No, you don't! Have you checked the villain leaderboard lately?
Hater: Uh, yeah. I don't know the exact number, but I'm like waaay up there. Right, Peepers?
Peepers: Oh, the sandwich is right, sir. That was the last planet we had control of in this system, which knocks us completely off the villain board.
Sourdough: You're more of a "ne'er-do-well" than a villain. How bad are you at this?
(Hater tries to turn off the jumbotron with the remote, but fails. He rapidly clicks the remote with no avail)
Sourdough: Wow, you can't even do that right.
(Hater angrily throws the remote on the floor)
Sourdough: How'd that work out for ya?
Peepers: (turning the "off" button on the remote) Sir, this is exactly what I warned you about in my report entitled "Oblique Strategies for Successful Masters of Evil." I clearly stated that the only to truly rule the galaxy is through careful planning, precise focus, and hard work. But, noooo. You -
Hater: Me?! Don't tell me what being evil is all about! It's about being all (lightning flashes; roars) Scary, bad guy stuff, not, uh, blah blah, meeting, staff, business guy stuff Wow. I can't believe I never figured this out before. The reason we've been failing all this time is because--
Peepers: You waste all our resources trying to destroy a happy-go-lucky do-gooder who just wants to be your friend?
Hater: Because you and your boring plans have been keeping me down, Civilian Peepers!
Peepers: Uh, sir, with due respect, it's Commander.
Hater: Not anymore. You're fired.
(Peepers looks shocked; title card appears.)
(Cut to Peepers' bedroom, where he sadly lays on his bed as a mellow electric guitar riff plays; above the bed is a picture of Hater looking down with an angry stare.)
Peepers: Oh, this isn't happening. This isn't happening. This... (incredulously) This isn't happening. He'll realize he made a mistake. He needs me.
Hater: (opening Peepers' bedroom door) Peepers, I need you.
Peepers: Of course, sir, what can I do for you?
Hater: Before you GO, how do I, like, find planets to conquer? Are they just sort of around, or...
Peepers: (depressed) Check the intergalactic matrix in the command console.
Peepers: The red button on the black thing.
Hater: Thanks! Man, I'm so stoked to be running things without you getting in my way all the time. Anyway, you're still fired! Adios. (closes Peepers' bedroom door)
(Peepers again lays sadly on his bed while the same mellow electric guitar riff plays again)
Hater: (opening Peepers' bedroom door) Peepers, wait.
Hater: You know those eyeball guys I have? How often do I need to change their batteries?
Peepers: They're not robots, they're watch dogs.
Hater: Oh, they're dogs. Huh. So I gotta walk them then...
Peepers: They're not dogs either, they're--
Hater: Gotcha. "Robot dogs, feed them batteries." Thanks, buddy! I owe ya. Not enough to save your job though. (closes Peepers' bedroom door)
Hater: (opening Peepers' bedroom door) Peepers, wait.
Hater: Look, I realize now I may have been a bit hasty before.
Peepers: (gasps) You do?
Hater: Yeah, I almost forgot to ask you, what's your log-in password? I need to erase you from the system.
Peepers: (sadly) Hater-and-Peepers-Forever. That's H-8-R-N-P33P3RS, with "3" for the "e's", 4-E-V-R.
Delete Actually, no.
These memories We've been through a lot together, haven't we? - Yes, sir, we sure have.
- I'm having second thoughts.
Instead of deleting these, could you just crop yourself out of 'em? Cool.
Well, goodbye forever.
Wait'll he tries conquering something without me.
Meet the universe's ultimate evil-doer Hater! Hooray! - Yeah! - # Who set the record for galactic explosions # - # Hater! # - You got hated! - # You better run! # - Booyah! Hater It all went by so fast The conquests and the glory - # But now my time here's passed # - Whoa! Yeah! And I've been shown the door-y I'm a commander who's made his last command I used to be his right-hand man But a sandwich took our planets and I got canned A commander who's made his last command - Where to, my friend? - Just drive.
Who wants batteries? - Hater! - Well, well, well.
I must admit, it was a pleasure to beat you.
Oh, I should've said, "eat you .
" Do over.
You're even bad at sandwich puns.
Why are you messing with my planets?! Oh, do you mean my planets? The planets that used to be yours but are now totally mine 'cause I conquered 'em because I'm awesome and you're a dumb sandwich.
Those planets? You're conquered.
- Deal with it, pimento brain.
- What? You didn't conquer squat.
You just knocked off crowns, planted flags, and did stupid dances.
- Uh, yeah.
I conquered them.
You've got to leave a battalion behind.
Don't you know anything about being an evil ruler? - Uhhh - Where's the angry little smart guy? The one who actually knows what evil is all about.
I know what evil is all about! Prepare to become a patty melt.
- Uh, finger slipped.
- Fire! Which one's the shieldy thing? How are you so bad at this? I conquered this entire quadrant.
And I'm a sandwich.
You're a powerful electrical skeleton man! Shut your buns! Saline tester? I could do that.
- Hey, Peepers.
'Sup? - Sir? Just one last question.
Not that I need your help.
But if someone got in a major dog fight with a sandwich, what would one do? - Oh.
I thought I was in your way.
- Oh, you were.
And I can handle this.
But I'm just going around, getting second opinions.
I don't know.
Is there maybe something you want to tell me first? Maybe you wanna say you're Sorry? Nope.
Uh, can't think of anything.
- Hurry, Lord Hater, apologize! - I don't wanna! - I'm waiting.
- You want advice? - In old galaxy, I work as villain.
- Shut your face! Peepers, come on! What did I ever do to you? I'm sorry you felt I did something wrong.
I'm sorry that you're such a whiny over-sensitive baby! No, no, no, no, wait, please, I can get this.
This was my bad and I'm sooooor I'm sorry.
I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this.
Watch dogs! We're pulling a reverse Galaxon Phalanx maneuver into an aggressive Cropdust Wedge! Eye Fighters, deploy! Shields, activate! And with Sandwich's whole armada focused on US he's left his planets totally vulnerable! Hater: Ooo, ooo. I wanna help. What can I do?
Peepers: What you do best, sir.
Who is the universe's ultimate evil-doer? Hater! Evil Sandwich! You're toast! Yeah! Evil's getting revenge Now for the finishing touch.
So glad we're back together.
Woman: It was so embarrassing being ruled by a sandwich.
Hater: Well, I couldn't have done it without me! If I hadn't fired Peepers, this never would have happened.
Hater: Don't make me fire you again.
Hater: Commander Peepers Bleep bloop; rules and planning; strategy; no emotion; does not compute;; servo shutting down; nee nor System's operating at peak efficiency. I am a giant nerd.