| I'll call my new planet whatever I want!
This article, transcript, or section is incomplete and needs to be completed. Any user is obliged to do so. (October 2015)
(Opens showing a ring; Kragthar looms over it.)
Kragthar: The Ring of Invincibility shall be mine!!!
(Kragthar is suddenly blasted off the platform.)
(Cut to a shot of an army of Wingmen flying in from the right side of the screen. Little Bits appears in the foreground firing off a machine gun.)
(Cut to a shot of two Schmartians shooting one of Mandrake's robots, causing it to explode.)
(Cut to a shot of a Beefeater throwing a punch at three Fist Fighters.)
(Cut back to the shot of the ring. The camera zooms out and pans down, showing various villains' vehicles and lasers being blasted every which way. The camera stops at Wander and Sylvia watching. An explosion occurs, launching Watchdogs, Fist Fighters, a Beefeater, Mandrake's robots, Wingmen, and Schmartians into the air.)
(Freeze-frame, title card)
Wander: This wasn't exactly part of my plan.
Sylvia: Your plan? What do you mean, your plan?
Wander: (whispering to a purple Binglebop) There's a Fall Flower Fling atop the Alkaloid Trapezoid Station. Pass it on!
Binglebop: (whispering to a Flankarian) There's a tall shower thing in Vince and Lilly's shop on the android planetoid for Dalmatians. Pass it on.
(Various whispering gets passed on until the screen stops at Commander Peepers whispering to Lord Hater, who is in his chair playing a video game. Hater stops playing.)
Hater: There's an all-powerful Ring of Invincibility at the top of the Blastroid Asteroid Formation?! Set a course! (Two Watchdogs start pushing the chair with Hater on it.) With that ring, I shall be UNSTOPPABLE! (Peepers is pleased with Hater's intention.)
(Cut back to Wander)
Wander: (still whispering) Perfect!
(Cut back to the present)
Sylvia: Wait, I'm confused. How did you even know there was a ring of invincibility here?
Wander: I put it there.
Sylvia: What? Where did you find a-a...
(Open up inside Blarpee's, where the Cashier is reading a tabloid.)
Wander: (walks up to the counter) Ahem, excuse me, kind sir, (Cut to the front view of Wander, holding eight different colored candy rings on his fingers) which of these candy rings is the most romantic?
(Cut back to the present)
Sylvia: Okay, so you planted an "ultimate weapon of power," and then you told everyone in the galaxy about it, and you didn't expect every villain in the galaxy to come and claim it?
Wander: Uh-uh. I was just hoping for Hater and Dominator.
Sylvia: But why?
Wander: If Hater's gonna ask Dominator to get married, he's gonna need a ring.
Sylvia: (shocked) What?!
(Flashback yet again)
(Open to a view of Dominator's ship. Wander orbbles through space carrying groceries and passing by the ship. He stops when he hears Dominator cackling. Cut to Dominator, in her armored form, standing in front of the Villain Leaderboard, showing Dominator to be #1 on the list.)
Dominator: That's right! Dominator's greater! Best villain! (changes into unarmored form) Ooh, aah! Ooh-wah! That's right, ooh, yeah. Oh, one of these, one of these. And a one, two, three, ah...
(As Dominator continues dancing, Wander stares in surprise and drops the groceries.)
(Wander instantly envisions the ring, which is then shown on Dominator's hand, which in Hater's hand. Dominator and Hater are shown as the bride and groom at a wedding. Wander is the justice of peace, Sylvia is the maid of honor, Peepers is the best man, the Watchdogs are on the groom's side, and the Dom bots are on the bride's side.)
(Cut back to the present)
Sylvia: (sighs) You've really gotta start filling me in on these plans.
Wander: Hater's always talking about how he wants a girlfriend. So I devised a perfect set-up to get Hater and Dominator to show up here. They'll fall in love, that love will cancel out all their evil, and everything will be great forever.
Sylvia: Or they become twice as evil and conquer the galaxy together!
(An explosion startles them.)
(Cut to Hater and Peepers, blasting enemies around them.)
Peepers: Keep at it, sir! This is our chance! If we get to that ring of invincibility, then we can trounce these chumps and finally reclaim the title of...
Hater and Peepers: The greatest in the galaxy!
♪Let's get awesome!♪
(Emperor Awesome appears.)
Awesome: Please. (picks up and throws a Fist Fighter, who forms the devil horns, at Hater)
(Hater holds up two Watchdogs in front of his eyes. The Fist Fighter's fingers poke the Watchdogs' eyes and Hater sets them down.)
Hater: Ha! (sees Awesome ascend a platform) Huh?
♪Let's get awesome!♪
Awesome: Later, nerds! (making hashtag marks with his fingers) Smashtag greatest in the galaxy, smashtag Awesome out! (Hater zaps Awesome off the platform and starts climbing. Awesome gets back up and brings Hater back down.)
Wander: Oh, no! We gotta get Hater to the top! Dominator's not even here yet!
Sylvia: Good! I don't think I can protect you out there.
Wander: Sylvia, Sylvia, Sylvia. They say love is a battlefield.
Sylvia: THIS IS AN ACTUAL BATTLEFIELD! Look, I get it. You wanna help everybody no matter how many times they try to destroy us. It's like your thing. But all this is beyond nuts. (Sylvia realizes Wander's gone. She spots him ascending the platforms.) Wander!
(Cut back to Hater and Awesome. Awesome is making Hater punch himself with a Fist Fighter.)
Awesome: Quit hittin' yourself. (punch) Quit hittin' yourself. (punch) Quit hittin' yourself. (punch) Why are you hittin' yourself? (punch) Quit hittin' yourself. (punch) Quit hittin' yourself. (punch)
Wander: Hey, Hatey!
Hater and Awesome: Huh?
Wander: (ascending the platforms) I'm gonna go get that ring of invincibility and use it to make everybody in the galaxy best fwiends! Betcha can't catch me!
Hater: (becoming enraged) WANDER!
Peepers: (held down by Fist Fighters) Please, sir, we're so close, don't...
Hater: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! (Hater unleashes an electric shock, blowing away Awesome and the Fist Fighters. The shock blows the Fist Fighters off him)
Peepers: ...stop doin' what you're doin'! GO, SIR, GO!!
(Hater starts chasing after Wander)
Sylvia: Don't worry, buddy, I'm comin'! (gets pinned down by Peepers)
Peepers: Not this time, zbornak.
Sylvia: You don't understand. The ring's a fake. (her belly launches Peepers into the air)
(Peepers lands on his helmet, which gets stuck to the ground.)
Peepers: Enough tricks! (gets back on his feet and puts his helmet back on) It's go time. (rips his shirt off, exposing his muscular torso) RAAAAAHHHHH!!
Sylvia: Grop darn it, we don't have time for-- Oh, who am I kiddin'? I've been so lookin' forward to this. AAAAAAHHHHH!!
(Sylvia and Peepers charge at each other while Hater continues to pursue Wander.)
Wander: Best meet-cute ever!
(While the battle among villains continues, Something the So-and-So appears and steps up to the ring.)
Something: Hey hey! It's me! (fighting stops) Heh...I did it, so I'm gonna get this ring now (picks up the ring) and I'm the greatest, or whatever?
Off-screen villain: Wait! Who are you?!
Something: Oh, uh... oh. Um...I'm the uh... the terrible and super mean villain... Something... the So-and-So... um, I'm really strong. And I'm gonna (stammers) use this ring to... uh, take over the Solar System? Or... blow it up? Or... mmm... or maybe just turn you guys into... my minions? Or monkeys or something? Shoot, I don't know. I really should've put more thought into this, but - ugh, seriously, I... got this cape, so um...
Awesome: (losing his patience) Dude! Put down the ring and come back when you're better prepared.
Something: Yeah, yeah, uh... (groans) Yeah, yeah... (stammers) Yeah, I'm really... So I-I'll just, um... just put... put this back... (puts it back like so) yeah, uh... sorry. (steps away) Uh... bye.
(Something leaves and the battle resumes. Hater chases Wander once again.)
Hater: GET BACK HERE!
(Several Schmartians dog pile on Hater and punch him)
Hater: AAAAAHHHHHHHH!! (Hater breaks free and keeps going.)
Wander: That's it, just a couple more platforms until happily ever after!
(Kragthar grabs Hater by the legs and holds him upside down.)
Kragthar: Now, Lord Hater, tremble before the might of (pronouncing his name in a guttural manner every time) Kraahhgthaahhr!
Hater: Fat chance, Kragthar!
Kragthar: No, no, it's pronounced, "Kraahhgthaahhr."
Hater: That's what I said. (short pause) Krrrgagathar.
Kragthar: Kraahhgthaahhr. Like, raahhgthaahhr, but with a K in front.
Wander: (notices Hater in Kragthar's grasp) Oh, no! What else could go wrong?
Sourdough: (off-screen) Oh, I don't know.
(Wander turns around and sees Sourdough and one of his Beefeater guards holding him up on a plate.)
Sourdough: How about EVIL SANDWICH?!
Wander: Sourdough? (the Beefeater grabs Wander)
Sourdough: Thank you so much for distracting Lord Hater. (Some other Beefeaters form a set of stair so the one Beefeater can climb them.) With him out of the way, there'll be no stopping me from claiming the ring and becoming the greatest in the galaxy!
Wander: I am sorry to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. (picks up Sourdough and slowly brings him closer)
Sourdough: What? No! No! No, you can't eat me! You're a vegetarian!
Wander: I don't need to eat you to beat you.
(Wander drops Sourdough on a lower platform and pulls a picnic basket out of his hat.)
Wander: (sing-song voice) Picnic tiiiiiiiime!
(Wander dumps a pile of sandwiches on Sourdough, who is now buried underneath the pile.)
Sourdough: Help me! Help me, you buffoons! (The Beefeater lets go of Wander and he and the Beefeaters in their stair formation jump down to the pile of sandwiches to search for their master.) No, here, you imbeciles! I'm the sandwich that's talking!
Wander: I am real sorry about this, but love is on the line! Thank you for understanding! (gets back to ascending the platforms)
(Hater, still in Kragthar's grasp, spots Wander and gets angry.)
Hater: OH, NO, YOU DON'T, YOU FURRY ORANGE FREAK! (breaks free from Kragthar's grasp) Later, Ka-ray-a-ga-ruh-thuh-ruhr! (fires an electric blast, sending Kragthar flying)
Kragthar: It's Kraahhgthaaaahhhhrrrrr!
(Wander runs up to a scuffle of Wingmen and Schmartians.)
Wander: I am so sorry. (Hater blasts the Wingmen and Schmartians away. Wander runs to another scuffle of Wingmen and Schmartians.) I feel real bad about this, (Hater blasts them away as well. Wander runs up to General McGuffin, who angrily stands in his way.) but it's all in the name of love!
(Wander ducks and Hater's lightning attack strikes McGuffin, who becomes a bucket of chicken with his hat intact.)
(Mandrake the Malfeasant appears on a higher platform.)
Mandrake: Quickly, my robuts. (wheezes) Get them!
(Some of his robots step off the platform and surround Wander, one of them landing on its head. Wander pulls a boombox out of his hat. He turns it on and some hip-hop dance music plays, causing the robots to stop and dance along to the music.)
Wander: (running around Mandrake and speaking to him) Sorry, I'll make sure you get an extra slice of cake at the wedding!
(Wander leaves Mandrake and Hater runs past him. Mandrake aims his staff at them preparing to fire, but gives up.)
Mandrake: I'm too old for this nonsense. I need a nap. (inhales) (Mandrake uses his staff to help himself walk away slowly.)
(Cut to a stand-off between the Black Cube and Little Bits. The Black Cube chants his mantra while Little Bits gives him the big, sad eyes. No matter how hard they try, neither of them is affected. Wander and Hater tiptoe in the background and sneak past the two.)
(Cut back to Sylvia and Peepers, still fighting each other)
Sylvia: I'm trying to tell you, there's no ring of invincibility! It's just a con!
Peepers: How do I know you saying it's a con isn't a con?
Sylvia: I was ready to get off this stinkin' rock and leave you jerks here to destroy each other. (punches Peepers) But then he ran off without thinking, even though I told him not to...
(Peepers punches Sylvia)
Peepers: ...and threw himself into a dangerous situation without any kind of plan or exit strategy...
(Sylvia kicks Peepers)
Sylvia: ...and left me behind to save his...
(Peepers punches Sylvia)
Peepers: ...save his butt and clean up his mess!
(Sylvia rams into Peepers and the two stand a few yards from each other.)
Sylvia and Peepers: (in unison) Do you have any idea what it's like to have a fool for a friend?!
(They stop and realize they have something in common. They slowly walk towards each other with open arms, but they snap out of it, maintaining the notion that they're still enemies, and resume fighting.)
Wander: (to himself as he gets on another platform) Okay, so I kinda sort a helped Lord Hater to beat a bunch of rival villains, thus making him even more of a bad guy than he already was. But it'll all be worth it when he's in love, and reformed, and going antiquing on his honeymoon. Right?
(Hater catches up to Wander, who resumes running.)
(Hater continues his pursuit of Wander when he slips on a banana peel, which flies into Wander's hand.)
Wander: A banana peel? Who would've left a-- Oh, no. Not Dr. Screwball Jones!
(Cut to Dr. Screwball Jones on a high platform with a large fire flaring behind him. He holds a banana peel gun.)
Screwball: Ah, there you are! I was starting to miss you a whole bunch! (shoots a pile of banana peels in Wander's direction)
(Wander changes into his superhero outfit. In the background, Hater keeps slipping on the banana peels.)
Wander: (low, scratchy voice, same as before) Your senseless spree of pun-ish pandemonium is over before it began. (pulls out a pistol) I didn't want to do this, but I have to. For love. (Wander pulls the trigger and out pops a flag that reads, "ZAP.")
Screwball: (acting as if he's been shot) Oh, blast! I've been blasted! (He falls head first from the higher platform to the platform on which Wander stands. He gets up and has a chunk of asteroid on his head.) This situation is grave! (He buries himself in the ground as a headstone pops up. He reemerges from the ground.) No time for gallows humor! (He acts as if he's choking himself on a noose and falls back.) I should be deadly serious. Oh! Oh... Ooh, I hope I get a tomb with a view. Ooh, doom with a view would also work--!
Wander: (normal voice) Okay, come on now. That's enough.
(Dominator's ship finally comes into view, its shadow falling upon the entire Blasteroid Asteroid Formation. Wander, back to his normal look, sees the ship.)
Wander: (excitedly) SHE CAME! WHOO-HOO! Finally, Operation: Romance is go! (Wander does a silly dance to the background music and freezes on the last note.)
(Cut to Dominator, unarmored, watching everyone on smaller, multiple screens.)
Dominator: Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, man. I can't believe all these idiots are in the same place. This'll be like shooting dorks in a barrel. But what'll I use to stop 'em? It's gotta be perfect! (Dominator changes into armored mode, sans the mask. She changes her gloves into various weapons she mentions.) Blood scythe? Hammer hand? Ooh! Giant spinning buzz saw arms? (holds up a hand) A zillion tiny spikes that shoot out a zillion tiny poison darts that make your tongue swell up and you're all like, "Aaahh, no! Betrayed by my own tongue! Curse you, Dominator, curse you!"
(The darts from her glove hit a nearby giant Bot, which gets dizzy and falls down.)
Dominator: Oh! Magma cannons! Classic! Yes! (laughing evilly) Okay, calm down, D. Focus. Game face. Game face. It's (mask closes, armored voice) go time! (laughs evilly again)
(Dominator jumps out of her ship, falls to the lower asteroid, and throws a powerful punch to the ground, blowing everyone away. Sylvia and Peepers, who now has his shirt back on, cling to the ground for dear life. The blow goes in reverse, sucking everyone into the source of the blow, Sylvia and Peepers still clinging to the ground. The villains get launched upward. Hater, still slipping on the banana peels, is blown to a nearby rock and gets knocked unconscious. The Black Cube, looking around, seizes the opportunity and blasts straight up to the ring. Suspenseful music plays.)
Peepers: Oh, no! If the Black Cube gets the ring of invincibility, he'll be unstoppable!
(The villains, up in the air, gasp.)
(The Black Cube taps the ring, trying to pick it up. No luck. He tries again. Still no luck. He tries yet again. Nothing. The music stops. Frustrated, the Black Cube rapidly and repeatedly taps the ring, all to no avail.)
(Sylvia, Peepers, and the villains look on in bewilderment and disappointment.)
(Dejected, the Black Cube slowly floats away from the ring.)
Singer: I'm just a little black cube of darkness, a little black cube of darkness...
(The villains and minions fall back to the ground.)
Dominator: I'm so cool. (starts floating to the top)
Wander: She's coming, she's coming, she's coming, she's coming! THIS IS IT! Come on, Hatey! (Wander notices Hater, still unconcious.) Hatey? Oh, no, what have I done? You're too wounded to woo! Too harmed to charm! Too pooped to propose! Come on, buddy. Just one more platform and I promise you'll get what you want most in the universe! Hey, Hater, I'm gonna tell everyone in the galaxy how we're best friends! Don't you want to stop me? Let's go! Whoo!
(Dominator passes Wander and Hater.)
Wander: (sadly) Oh, it's no use. (sits on Hater's chest) I guess Dominator'll just take the ring of invincibility and become the greatest in the galaxy.
(Suddenly, Hater furiously comes back to life, launching Wander off his chest.)
Hater: DOMINATOR?! I HATE THAT GUY!
(Dominator approaches the ring and Hater steps in.)
Wander: This is it! It's all happening! Oh, boy, they're gonna love each other!
Hater: (glowing with electricity) Lord Dominator.
Dominator: (coated in fire) Lord Hater.
(Hater and Dominator stand with few inches between their faces, glaring at each other. Suddenly, a scuffle of electricity and lava ensues.)
Wander: OH, NO! THEY'RE GONNA KILL EACH OTHER! STOP! STOP! NEW PLAN! NEW PLAN! (Electricity and fire are launched at Wander's position, breaking off part of the platform and blowing him off.)
(Dominator, still armored, steps up to the right and laughs.)
Hater: Get away from there! I call dibs on the ring!
(Dominator punches Hater away, and Hater runs back, screaming furiously.)
(Cut to Sylvia and Peepers, lying on the ground, worn out, and struggling to fight each other.)
Peepers: Had... enough... zbornak?
Sylvia: I'm just gettin' started, you optic nerd.
(Sylvia and Peepers look up and see the battle between Hater and Dominator occurring and Wander struggling to climb up the platform.)
Wander: Must... stop their... fighting. Must... give toast at... 30th... wedding... anniversary.
Sylvia and Peepers: (in unison) Oh, no! Dominator's gonna kill him! (to each other) Five-minute break? Five-minute break.
(Peepers climbs aboard Sylvia and the two strike a pose)
(Wander makes it back up.)
Wander: STOP IT! There's got to be another way! You two have so much in common. You both want to control the galaxy, you both want to destroy each other, you both like skulls. Let's use that as a foundation and build from there.
Hater: I was totally holding back before, but now you shall know the full fury of Lord--
(Dominator traps him in hardened lava.)
Hater: OW! THAT'S SUPER BURNY!
(Dominator changes her gloves into hammer hands and pounds Hater.)
Hater: Stop... being... so... COOL!! (Hater breaks free)
Wander: Okay, new plan: if romance won't come to the mountain, then the mountain must become romantic. (pulls out a large bouquet of flowers and speaks in a French accent) Such a lovely couple deserves ze beautiful flowers. (Dominator's blood scythe, in an attempt to attack Hater, cuts and burns up the flowers.)
(Hater launches an electric ball. Wander is dressed like a waiter and has a romantic dinner table set.)
Wander: (in an Italian accent) Or a romantic-a dinner. Mwah.
(Dominator dodges and the electric ball hits the table. Hater looks around and runs to the ring, only to be stopped by Dominator. Dominator punches Hater in the face a few times and Hater uses his electric powers to hold Dominator's fist in place and lift Dominator into the air.)
Wander: (back to his normal look) Okay, maybe we're being too forward. How about a low-stakes coffee date? (holds up two cups of coffee on a plate)
(Dominator breaks free and changes her glove into a jet engine, which blows the cinnamon, sprinkled by Wander, into Hater's eyes.)
Hater: AAAHHHH! THE CINNAMON! IT BURNS!
(Dominator snatches Hater in a lava rope and flings him to the ground. Dominator forms a large drill on her left glove. Wander attempts to pull Dominator's helmet off.)
Wander: How can he stare longingly into your eyes if he can't see your face? (Dominator grabs Wander and throws him off the platform.)
Hater: Yes! (Dominator sees him standing in front of the ring.) Nothing will keep me from that ring, for I am Lord Hater-- (Dominator punches Hater right square in the face. After a few seconds, the impact blows Hater away.)
Sylvia: Wander! Oh, thank Grop you're okay. I thought something terrible happened.
Wander: Something terrible did happen! This is less of a meet-cute and more of a meet-"RAH-GAH! I'm going to destroy you!"
Sylvia: Your heart's in the right place, buddy, but if we don't bolt, the rest of you is gonna be splattered all over the mountain!
Wander: But if Hater and Dominator don't fall in love, they'll never get married and invest in a mid-size time share on Ziziks!!
Peepers: Eh, what?
Sylvia: That's what I said.
(Dominator stands before the ring again, laughing. The Skullship rises up behind her.)
Hater: (manning the Skullship and blasting Dominator with countless lasers, which Dominator easily blocks) I AM LORD HATER! THE GREATEST IN... THE GALAXY!
(A single laser blasts Peepers away.)
Sylvia: Let's get outta here! (starts to pull away Wander, who is struggling to stay in place)
Wander: No, this has got to work! I have a series of ice breakers. "What's your favorite time of day?" "What embarrassing thing have you never told anybody?" "What's your favorite type of chocolate?"
(Hater continues to blast Dominator with everything the Skullship can dish out until Dominator activates a blast from her visor, large and powerful enough to disintegrate the Skullship and leave Hater charred in midair. Hater falls straight down to the bottom platform and forms a large pit in the ground. Everyone else looks at the pit in surprise. Dominator, laughing, puts on the ring.)
Dominator: Kneel. Kneel before Dominator! The greatest in the galaxy!
(The villains kneel as instructed.)
Wander: No, but they were supposed to and now they... And now she... And it didn't work? I really thought, with love in his life, Hater would finally learn there's no point in being so angry and evil all the time.
Sylvia: I'm sorry, buddy. Love is a battlefield, and sometimes, you lose.
Villains: Dominator's greater! Best villain! Dominator's greater! Best villain!
(As the villains continue to chant, the pit starts glowing bright green and a humming sound begins to grow. Wander and Sylvia watch in surprise. In a violent blast of electricity, Hater shoots out of the pit, flying back to the higher platform, his left fist raised.)
(Hater gives Dominator a swift uppercut, knocking her helmet right off. In the process, the ring flies off Dominator's finger. Dominator flings her hair back and the ring slides on Hater's finger. The helmet lands on the ground. Dominator takes a few steps back, stands back up, and shakes her hair to the side. Just as Hater, fueled with raging electricity, is about to resume his fight with her, he stops and stares. Hater cracks a wacky, open-mouth smile. Dominator gives a little smile and changes her suit to her normal look. Everyone down below gasps at what they're seeing.)
(Hater instantly fantasizes himself sipping a milkshake with Dominator at a diner, marrying her in the same scene from Wander's vision, and having children, a Hater daughter, a Dominator daughter, and a Hater son, playing around in a living room, which includes Wander's head mounted over the fireplace and Sylvia as a throw-skin rug. Cut back to reality.)
Hater: I... you. Lady. I, so cool. Pretty. (Dominator walks up to Hater, who hands her the ring.) Not hate. Like.(Dominator nonchalantly tips Hater right off the platform and back down to the bottom.)
(Dominator holds up the ring in triumph and laughs maniacally. She stops, looks at the ring, and licks it.)
Dominator: Mmm, blorpberry. (walks off)
(Cut to Hater, damaged and love-struck, his heart-pupil eyes thumping.)
(Peepers, Wander, and Sylvia step up.)
Peepers: Sir? Sir? Sir?
(Cut to a wide shot of the four individuals. The pit Hater has formed is shaped like a heart.)
Wander: Well, at least I think he likes her! We kinda sorta won! Whoo-hoo!
(Sylvia and Peepers both face-palm themselves.)
Hater: Pretty lady. Soft. Smells nice. Lovely not hate. Pretty
Peepers: Sir this is gonna be the whole thing, isn't it?