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The Buddies/Transcript

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(Opens showing a front-on view of Lord Hater's ship.)
Lord Hater: (from inside, mockingly) This is it, Wander! (Zoom in on him, normal tone) This is where our wretched rivalry finally ends!
(At the last two words, the scene widens to reveal they are in a room where Wander is walking into a plank over a giant hole, escorted by one of the Watchdogs. Other Watchdogs stand on all sides, and Lord Hater and Peepers stand in the center of an archway in the middle. Bottom view of the plank, Wander is walking across it while the Watchdog behind him holds his blaster out. Cut to Hater and Peepers on the archway.)
Lord Hater: Peepers! Activate the portal to the Pit of Perpetual Pain!
(Snap to a closed hatch on the ground in the hole, which opens to reveal a light blue portal as Lord Hater laughs. Tilt up to the top; Wander leans in to check it out.)
Wander: Ooh... (Cut to just behind his head.) Pretty.
(Back to Hater and Peepers.)
Lord Hater: It's not pretty!! It's a portal to the prison dimension, where I have banished my most despised enemies! Say "Goodbye", Wander!
(Cut to frame Wander, now a shadow.)
Wander: Hello!
Lord Hater: No, not – (We hear doors open, the lighting on Wander comes up.) "Hello"! "Goodby" –
Wander: (Waving) ...Sylvia!
(Cut to a close-up of the now confused Lord Hater.)
Lord Hater: Wha...?
(Cut to his perspective of the action, we see a shadow in the open door. Zoom in on that to reveal Sylvia.)
Sylvia: 'Sup?
(Cut to a close-up of Lord Hater and zoom out to frame the Watchdogs next to him.)
Lord Hater: (to the Watchdogs) GET HER!!!
(They start off, yelling as they approach her. Sylvia looks at each line of them coming at her from either side in close-up, but she gets her fists ready and punches at them, knocking them over like dominos. Wander turns to see this, and Sylvia grabs one Watchdog from her left side, spins him around and throws him high into the air, a wide shot showing he's flying towards the archway. Peepers screams, and the Watchdog plows into him, sending his helmet flying and the bolt on it crashing into a monitor on the archway's control panel. It begins to spark; zoom out showing Lord Hater.)
Lord Hater: Uh-oh. This is baaaad!!!
(Wide shot, he leaps off the archway as it explodes. Cut to an overhead long shot of Wander and zoom in.)
Wander: Don't worry, Hater! (Side view.) I'll save ya! (Reaching out, he is grabbed and flung down the hole.) WAH!
(Overhead shot of the two, falling down the hole to the portal at the bottom.)
Lord Hater: THIS IS WOOOORRRRSE!!!
(They hit it; there is a supernova blast outwards that whites out the entire screen. Snap to Sylvia as she runs down the plank and looks down. Close-up on her.)
Sylvia: WANDER!!!
(There is the sound of a blaster firing up; whip pan to Peepers holding his before her. A bunch of other Watchdogs stand by.)
Peepers: 'Sup?
(Long shot of the room, revealing Sylvia is cornered.)

(Snap to a pack of vultures flying through a yellow-green sky. Blue lightning sparks, and a portal of the same color appears. Lord Hater falls out of it, screaming as he falls downward, while Wander appears moments later, holding his hat like a parachute as he floats to the left of the screen. Cut to a rocky ground with bones and stalagmites, Lord Hater lands on his belly.)
Lord Hater: Oh...grop.
(He stands up; cut to just behind him at the landscape. We see a dinosaur skeleton and geysers, along with giant, pointy formations. The camera pans slowly across the landscape.)
Lord Hater: Ugh... (now offscreen) Smells like zombie armpits down here. (Back to him, writes in notebook) "Zombie armpits". Good name for a band. (Puts it away, mimes making a phone call.) Come in, Peepers. You gotta get me outta here. You have no idea how – (rolling eyes, vibrating each syllable) horrrrible – (normal) this place is.
(On the second half of this line, two shadowy figures walk up behind him. On the start of the next, two more step up to block him out of frame.)
Lord Hater: Ma-a-an, I hate to be the guy... (emotion changing to fear) ...who has to... (Cut to him, tracking slowly around revealing the monsters standing around him.) stay here...for all...eternity?
(A long pause. Widen to reveal five monsters standing in a circle around Lord Hater.)
Lord Hater: Peepers?
(The inmates begin attacking him in a ball of violence.)
Lord Hater: NO! WHAT THE?! DUDE, WHAT THE?!
(Screen flashes white, showing five quick series of freeze-frames of Lord Hater being beaten up, tempo increasing until the end. Cut to the landscape as the fighting continues offscreen, we see Wander running up in the distance.)
Wander: Hey, hey, hey! (Close-up.) Don't be mean! We don't have to be mean!
(Close-up of one inmate, a dark indigo monster clad with metal armor over one eye, on chin and on shoulders. His voice takes on a metal, robotic tone when he speaks.)
Thrax: Huh? (realizing) Wander, that you?
(Two other inmates peer in, the left one green with a blue face, wearing a bone necklace and eye patch, the right one light blue resembling a fish with eye tattoos with veins on his body.)
Thrax: What the heck are you doin' here?
Inmates 2 and 3: Hey, it's Wander!
(Ground level, the light blue inmate steps away from Lord Hater, cowering. This shot reveals he wears patriotic styled underwear and armbands.)
Inmate 3: Hey, look who's back, boys!
(They gather around him, the following lines overlap each other.)
Inmate 4: Whoa, hey, buddy.
Inmate 2: Hurray, it's Wander!
(Cut to Lord Hater, realizing this as he stands up and blinks twice.)
Inmate 5: (offscreen) Hey, where ya been, Wander?
Lord Hater: You...you...know these guys?
(On the end of this, zoom out to frame three inmates. The last two inmates are: left center - dark purple cyclops with a gladiator's helmet, chain wrapped around, spiky wristband, hair underwear, spiderweb tattoo on one arm, pink spot on the other. Right - light teal with red spikes, dressed in a suit resembling workout gear, flame around eye. Cut to Wander and the first three inmates - this exposes the first one wears a bandage on his right bread and has black stripes over the other, has light pink shreaded leggings and a scar on his left arm. The second inmate has scars, a bandage on his left arm, an "S" tattoo on the right, and wears pink underwear with a face on it, the skin on the legs deepening to teal. The third inmate also has his right arm covered in ice.)
Thrax: Know him? He helped me start up my used bookstore!
Inmate 2: He taught me how to whistle!
(He attempts to do so, producing only a fart noise, no tune. Cut to the fourth inmate, Lord Hater stands by.)
Inmate 4: He helped me deal with my violent tendencies! (Punches Hater away)
Wander: Man, oh man, fellas, it sure has been a while! What the heck y'all been up to?
Thrax: Well, I was a small business owner... (Needle scratch, close-up.) Until somebody destroyed my bookstore – (Cut to Lord Hater, he continues offscreen.) All because I told him, his novel wasn't selling well!
(Hater smiles uncertainly, back to the inmates; the fifth one is revealed to have three eyes and holes in his tummy. The fourth one also sports a snake tattoo under the spiderweb one. The first inmate steps forward, revealing he has black stripes under his lower left breast.)
Thrax: So he threw me, IN HERE!!!
(He begins growling as he starts toward Lord Hater, the others following suit. Hater has time to back away as the camera shows the inmates in close-up, before cutting to ground level. At the last minute though, Wander zips in.)
Wander: STOP!!! I can't have some of my friends hurting my other friends!
(The inmates, they look at each other in confusion.)
Thrax: Whoa. Hater is your friend?!
(Back to Wander and Hater.)
Wander: Aww, yeah. He may be the – (Imitating him) "Ultimate evil" – (normal) And all, but... I know, (hugging him) deep down inside –
Lord Hater: (pushing him away) No!!! (pointing at him) I totally hate this guy! I mean... (enunciating each syllable) To-tal-ly hate! (normal tone) I would never – ! (The inmates growl, acting) Want to be...apart...from a good – (pats his back) friend like him!
(He smiles uncertainly, and Wander hugs him.)
Wander: Rrrright back at 'cha, buddy!
(The title appears over them, freeze-frame. Cut to the inmates.)
Thrax: If you're friends... (quietly) Prove it.
(Back to Wander and Hater.)
Wander: Best Bud Handshake?
Lord Hater: (pauses, sarcastically) Oh, yeah. Totally, our uh, "Best Bud Bro" shake that we do, like...all the time. (Wander jumps off, he scratches his back.) Let's do it...

Wander: Hit me high!
Hit me low!
Make a turtle,
Man, he's slow.
Right hand left,
Left hand right!
Do a twirl,
Outta sight!
Cookies in the oven,
Let 'em bake.
And that's how ya do...
The Best Buds Shake!

(Accompanied by the following actions. "Hit me high, hit me low": Raise right hand, other person slaps, turn around, stick hands behind back, other person slaps. "Make a turtle, man, he's slow": Use hands to make a turtle and pretend it's walking. "Right hand left, left hand right": Stick out left hand, other person slaps, stick out right fist, other person fist bumps, repeat while reversing. "Do a twirl outta sight": Spin around quickly, stick out hands, other person slaps. "Cookies in the oven, let 'em bake": Mime opening an oven, stick right hand out as if pressing against it, other person slaps. They end the performance with Wander jumping up to hug Lord Hater, pause.)
Lord Hater: (half singing) Ta-da?
(Another pause, cut to the inmates as they applaud. The first inmate steps forward, chuckling slightly.)
Thrax: Okay, guess you are best buds. (Menacingly) BUT YOU BEST NOT BE JOSHING!
(His perspective of Lord Hater, now sporting something around his neck.)
Lord Hater: Yes, sir! No way, no joshin', best buds. Best...
(He cuts his eyes downward on the last word, the camera following his gaze. Stop on two half heart pendents forming a whole, making the words "Best Buds". Wander is holding the left one, widen to frame him; both are wearing necklaces containing the same pendents. He takes his half away and frowns. He reunites it with the other half, and smiles. This process repeats; pause.)
Lord Hater: (forlornly) Buds.

(Dissolve to a long shot of the landscape at night, Lord Hater can be seen working on something.)
Lord Hater: (Imitating Wander) "Ahh! Lord Hater, no!"
(Cut to a close-up of a drawing in the dirt, showing Lord Hater blasting Wander with lightning.)
Lord Hater: "You are too powerful and awesome, and I'm all dumb and dying now! Ahh!"
(Cut to frame Lord Hater on the end of this, no longer wearing the half heart pendent.)
Lord Hater: (Imitating himself) "Mua-ha-ha, yes! Lord Hater, Number One Superstar!"
(A stench wafts past the screen, which brings Hater's attention. Cut to a hill as he slowly peeks up; zoom out framing the first inmate, munching on a dead bug. In close-up, Lord Hater's stomach growls, and he smiles before he disappears from sight. Cut to the inmate; Lord Hater peeks up behind the bone he is sitting on, and he holds his plate out showing a few crumbs left, one bigger than the others. He sets it down, and Lord Hater slowly tries to grab it, but gets slapped away. The inmate roars in fury, causing Lord Hater to run back to his dirt picture. He turns toward it and "kicks" it away, before Wander enters, he too no longer wears his necklace.)
Wander: Sorry, Hatey-bo-batey, I tried to rustle us up some grub, but they got the last one. (Close-up, he winks and elbows.) Literally. (reaching out of frame) So, hopefully...a-this will help manage those munchies!
(Right on cue, he presents a chunk of dirt. Close-up on it, showing a human eyeball, a chunk of mud, and a dead caterpillar, forming a smiley face. Lord Hater takes it.)
Lord Hater: You expect me...to eat this – !
(He attempts to throw it to the ground on the end of this, but the inmates come by and snarl at him.)
Lord Hater: (sarcastically) Wonderful meal... (picking eyeball up) you've prepared for me, oh pal of mine?
(In close-up, he brings the eyeball to his stuck out tongue, and touches that to it. Snap to a shot of him barfing into a hollow tree trunk before he lifts his head.)

(Cut to Wander, sitting eagerly under an archway made of sticks. Lord Hater walks up, and Wander mimics opening a door and patting the empty spot next to him. Hater rolls his eyes disgustedly and turns around to leave, but the inmates block his way and snarl; snap to a shot of him under the archway next to Wander. There is nothing for a moment, then a snowflake floats by. No action for another while, then a huge gust of snow blocks out the screen; when it clears, the entire landscape is revealed to be in snow, Lord Hater covered by some of it. Hater begins to shiver, and Wander rubs one hand against his leg. He blows twice, and rubs both hands together until they glow and pulse red. He elbows Hater, causing him to stop shivering briefly; after a moment of nothing, he hugs him; needle scratch as Hater jumps up, yelling in pain as the snow flies off. He stomps away, giving a ruthless glare to a saddened Wander, but gets blocked by the angry inmates again, all of which are now clad in winter gear. Snap to Hater back under the archway and shivering again; Wander hugs him, causing him to stop shivering and fall slowly to the ground on his side, smiling as both drift off to sleep. Hater utters a relaxed sigh before the view fades to black.)

(The darkness parts away spherical as if it were a pair of eyes opening; This is Lord Hater's perspective. Wander is here; it's daytime, and a wider shot shows the snow has melted overnight. A happy tune starts up as Wander plays his banjo, and a montage begins of the two having fun together.)
(Song: "Best Friends Forever")
Wander: Woop-boop-boop-boop-boop-ba-doop-a-doop, boop-boo-doo-doo-doo-doo-boop, whoo!

Rise and shine,
It’s such a lovely morning,
Gonna be a perfect day.
But if it,
Should get rainy without warning,
We'll still be best buds anyway.

Happiness is all around us,
I sure hope this feeling never ends.
We’re best friends forever,
In all kinds of weather.
Morning, noon, and night, yeah!
We’ll always be together!

Eternity is gonna be so awesome,
'Cause together, we're the best of friends!

(As the montage continues, Lord Hater finally gets the hang of it and starts enjoying it like Wander.)

Lord Hater: Our friendship is,
Like skipping through the flowers,
Dancing and giggling with glee.
So much better than my evil powers,
Friendship makes my heart soar free.

You can make my heart fill up with sunshine,
And rainbows are just around the bend.
We’re best friends forever,
In all kinds of weather.
Like kitty cats and puppies,
Or birds of a feather!

Oh, something-something, something-something-something,
'Cause forever, we're the best of friends!

Wander:  Ba-doop-ba-doop, boo-boo-boo-bip-di-bip-boop-ba-doop, boop-boop-boo-di-boo!
Both: 'Cause forever, we're the best of friends!

(The montage ends with the two holding their heart pendents together as they seal into one big heart. Snap to a shot of Lord Hater sleeping under the archway; he wakes up and screams, before looking around – the montage was just a dream.)
Lord Hater: (inhales) Phew!
(A moment of silence, then Wander pops up on his arm, playing the same tune on his banjo. Hater flicks him to the ground, only to see something in the distance. Cut to his perspective, zooming in on the inmates yelling and rushing up in shadow, no longer wearing their winter wear. Back to Hater as he screams, the camera zooms out to show Wander lying belly front on the ground, he has put his banjo away. Hater picks him up and pats him on the head)
Lord Hater: Uh, something-something, best of friends!
(Back to the inmates; their light comes up, revealing they're bathed in pinkness. Cut to Wander and Lord Hater, also bathed in this light; the inmates however, run past them; in a wider shot, Lord Hater turns around and gasps; zoom out, the ground below being sucked away into a tornado. Cut to a top down perspective of that tornado and zoom out; we see a mouth on the bottom, swallowing every bit of ground. Wander and Hater stand to the side, Wander now standing on the ground. He screams, cut to him pushing Hater away.)
Wander: Move it, buddy, we gotta go! (Close-up.) We're not safe out here! (He gets sucked into the tornado.) WHOAAAAAAAAA!!!
(Lord Hater runs away, but suddenly turns around to see the action. He sees Wander being spun around.)
Wander: Whoa...Hey...buddy...little...help?!
(Cut to a flabbergasted Lord Hater, zooming in slowly; his shocked expression is eventually replaced with a menacing grin. He begins doing a little dance.)
Lord Hater: Oh, it's gonna be a perfect day!
(Pan over to the inmates watching the action, expressions showing worry.)
Thrax: Grab a buddy! Assemble the chain!
(Cut to a close-up of the second inmate and pan across as they each grab each other's shins, stopping at Lord Hater, who stops dancing.)
Lord Hater: Huh? (gets flung away) WHOA!
(Close-up of the second inmate, carrying the third on his shoulders; tilt upwards to show they have formed a tower. Lord Hater stands at the top, yelling in shock as he falls forward. A wide shot shows the tower is leaning forward into the tornado; cut to Lord Hater as he stops and voices a cry of pain. Wander spins by.)
Wander: WHOA! WHOA!
Thrax: (offscreen) Hater, come on! (Tilt up to him.) Grab your buddy!!
(Tilt down to the irritated Lord Hater as he holds his hand out. Wander spins by.)
Wander: WHOA!
(Hater misses.)
Lord Hater: (stagey) Oh, no. He's too far.
Thrax: (offscreen) You'll have to save him! (Pan to him on the end of this; close-up.) Being consumed by a Sand Snapper – (Cut to Wander, spinning down the tornado to the Snapper's mouth; he continues offscreen.) Is the most painful demise imaginable!
Lord Hater: (stagey) That good, huh?
(In close-up, the inmate snarls angrily; cut back to the put-out Lord Hater.)
Lord Hater: (rolling his eyes) Fine. (holds hand out) Grab my hand.
(Cut to frame Wander spinning by; Hater's hand is in view.)
Wander: Grab...my...hand?
(Extreme close-up of Hater's chattering face; he sighs and goes for it.)
Lord Hater: (under breath) ...Buddy.
(Close-up of a smiling Wander as he reaches his hand out and grabs onto Hater's; he manages to pull him free just before the Snapper clenches its teeth together. Wide shot outside the tornado; Wander is flung out; in slow motion, they get flung away. Cut to ground level as each inmate slams to the ground, belly first. Lord Hater is last; Wander lands on him, back to back, Pause.)
Wander: Wow! (Close-up.) This place is amazing! (suddenly very blue) ...Ly horrible. (He gets off as Lord Hater stands up; happily) But at least I know there is... (hugs him) Good in you!
(Widen as the inmates gather around him for a group hug.)
Wander/Inmates: 'Cause together, we're the best of friends!
(Close-up, Hater begins to tear.)
Lord Hater: I am in a prison...a prison...of sunshine.

(A blue light bathes them slightly, which gets their attention. Cut to the sky; the same blue portal from earlier appears. Back to the gang.)
Lord Hater: Finally! Way to go, Peepers!
(He ducks down and works his way out from under the third and fourth inmates, revealing he has put on his half heart necklace. Close-up on the pendent; he grabs it and rips it off. He tosses it, and it bounces off Wander's head, who is completely heartbroken by this.)
Wander: Buddy...?
Lord Hater: NO! I'm not your buddy! I never was! (to the inmates) I was totally joshin'! I was totally joshin'!
(He lets go with a rather crazy laughter, then begins doing a dance.)
Lord Hater: Yuh-da-da-da-da, uh! Take me home!
(A blue tractor beam engulfs himself and Wander.)
Lord Hater: Yes! Yes! Yes!
(The beam shrinks to only include Wander; Close-up on them.)
Lord Hater: Uh, Peepers?
Sylvia: (offscreen) Hold on, buddy, I'm gettin' you outta there!
(On the end of this, Wander levitates off the ground and floats upward until he's out of sight. Lord Hater's mood changes to horror, and the inmates attack him as he yells in agony.)

(Cut to Sylvia, standing on the archway in the room from before, a fainted Watchdog lies by her over the edge. The beam works its way up toward her, and Wander slides up. She takes his hand, and the beam disappears before she pulls him to safety, a crowd of Watchdogs lying around them.)
Sylvia: Oh, man, am I glad to see you, good buddy!
(Wander peeks over the edge, a frown on his face.)
Sylvia: (offscreen) Wander, what are you doing?
(His perspective of the portal, the image of Lord Hater being beaten up is barely visible through the blue light. Zoom in slowly.)
Wander: (offscreen) He may not be my buddy, but I'm still his!
(Cut to the fight, the beam from earlier engulfs Lord Hater as the fight stops. He slowly floats upward. Close-up on him.)
Lord Hater: Ha-ha! See you never, you smelly –
(Back to the inmates.)
Wander: (offscreen) Matter of fact... (The beam expands to include the inmates; they float upward.) So are the rest of those guys! They're all my buddies!
(Close-up of Lord Hater.)
Lord Hater: Uh-oh.
(He screams and tries to escape; but the inmates come toward him and attack all over again. Cut to the room as they are fully lifted out; the hole closes up as the beam disappears, and they hit the floor. Cut to Wander and Sylvia in an orbble; Wander wears his necklace.)
Wander: Later, Hate – (pauses takes necklace off) Buddy!
(He tosses it away, and the two float out of sight. Cut to Lord Hater, now wearing his necklace; Wander's lands around his neck, making a whole heart, to his surprise. Peepers comes into view, shocked by this.)
Peepers: (tearing up) But I thought we were buds!!
(On the end of this, he rips his suit slightly to reveal his muscular body, and sporting a half heart necklace the same as Wander's. Close-up on that; widen as he runs away crying. Lord Hater does not move at all; the inmates plunge towards him from all sides. Cut to the exterior of the ship as we hear punching and the ship wobbles around, denting out slightly.)
Lord Hater: (from inside, shrieks) I was kidding again!
(The fight continues, snap to black.)

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