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The Egg/Transcript

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(Opens showing a planet with a strange pointy mountain. Pans in on Sylvia as she angrily roars, a huge black bat beast roars back. The beast flies down, but Sylvia ducks)
Sylvia: That all you got, you overgrown iguanazoid?!
(The beast fires her laser vision, Sylvia runs away and dodges it. Sylvia punches the beast in the stomach.)
Sylvia: Take that! Ha ha ha ha!
(The beast grabs Sylvia by the tail and swings her back and forth, slamming her to the ground. Cut to Wander, hiding behind a rock.)
Wander: Uh, Syl? (Sylvia thuds) You think – (thud) That maybe – (thud) You should – (thud) Try another – (thud)
(On the last thud, Sylvia loses a tooth. She stands up.)
Sylvia: NO! (sputters as the beast swings her) I-I-I-I-I-I-I've got (the beast throws her) THIIIIIIIIIIS... (hits the ground)
(The beast grabs the rock Wander is hiding behind)
Sylvia: (tired) Totally under control. (the beast drops the rock on her)
(Wander looks at the screen and grits his teeth a little)
Wander: Yeah, but maaaaaybe there's another way to stop –
Sylvia: (offscreen) No! This is the only way! (is dragged across the screen holding the beast's tail) Now help me find something to bash this beast!
Wander: (at the camera) Okay.

(He begins spinning while scanning the ground)
Wander: Let's see, (talks fast) something to help, something to help, something to help, something to help, something to help, something to help. (bangs into something)
(Zoom out to reveal a large brown egg as the episode's title appears in the sky)
Wander: (gasps)
(Cut to Wander's perspective of the egg; tilt upwards to reveal a soft, purple nest on top of the mountain. The beast flies out of it and around in circles. Cut to Wander, his eyes grow big)
Wander: (sadly) Oh, you poor baby! (hugs the egg)

(Cut to Sylvia, still holding onto the tail of the beast. She gets bonked by various cliffs)
Sylvia: Oh! Ow! Oof! Ahhhh!
(She slides off a ramp and hits the ground)

(Cut back to Wander)
Wander: (babyish) Oh, don't you worry, we'll get you back to Mama, even if she wants to kill us. (tickles the egg) Yes, she does! (hugs it) She wants to kill us dead!
Sylvia: Great job, Wander. (takes the egg and runs with it) This rock is perfect for bashing that beast!
Wander: Sylvia, Sylvia, Sylvia. It's like I always say... (Close-up.) "A little lump of love will take the buck outta the bronco." (smile twinkles)
(Sylvia screeches to a halt.)
Sylvia: Huh?
Wander: This "rock" is an egg. And that beast is this egg's mother.
(Song: "Mother and Child Y'all")
(He has a vision of what will happen)
Wander: (voiceover) And once it's put back in its nest, it will hatch!
Oh, yeah
Wander: (voiceover) And mother and child will have a joyful reunion!
Mother and child, y'all, Power of Love
Wander: (voiceover) And the Power of Love will turn her into a nurturing mommy instead of a flying harbinger of death and destruction!
(Vision ends)
Sylvia: Forget it! Sappy smooshy-wooshy lovey-dovey silliness ain't my style! (She stomps past a confused Wander.) You're on your own this time, Wander. (Close-up.) That thing wants to eat us, and the only way to get her to back off is to – (punches three times) huh, ha, hoo! FIGHT HER OFF! (kicks) Ha! (her foot cramps up.) Ow! (Walking offscreen) I'll have nothing to do with this.
Wander: (slightly irritated) Well, poo-poo to you, Miss Punchy Punchersons. Who needs ya anyway? I'll do it myself, with the... (Scene changes to a heart background showing him in a pink hue with hearts in his eyes) Power of Love! (tries to lift the egg but it squishes him)
(Sylvia looks at the camera and growls)

(Cut to Sylvia carrying the egg with Wander on it while running up the mountain)
Sylvia: Stupid egg. (as the beast fires laser vision at her, she mutters) What am I, a babysitter? (mutters more) "Let's go get the egg" and I'm... (speeds up)
(Zoom out to show them heading for a huge gap; in close-up, the egg begins to bounce.)
Wander: STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!
(Sylvia screeches to a halt, but accidentally lets go of Wander holding the egg. She manages to grab him and struggles to hold on, grunting)
Wander: S-low do-hown. There's a baby on board!
(The beast flies past, breaking the part where they are standing. As they fall down, a falling whistle is heard. Tilt downwards to reveal Sylvia on another cliff in front of a cave, with Wander making the fall whistle. The beast begins firing fireballs from her mouth, Sylvia crawls into the cave and the beast peeks in)

(Cut to inside the cave. The beast licks Sylvia, who punches her tongue. She wipes the beast's saliva off her body)
Sylvia: Gah!
(They look back and forth, the camera pans over to the exit)
Sylvia: Perfect! (She grabs Wander and the egg and sets off at top speed) If we hurry, we'll escape before it realizes there's an exit.
(The egg begins to bounce on her back, Wander holds onto it.)
Wander: Slower!
(Sylvia rolls her eyes wearily and fulfills the request, slowing down a little. The egg glows a faint pink, Wander gasps.)
Wander: Slooooooowerrrrrrrr!
(Sylvia slows down more until her feet drag on the ground. The egg glows brighter.)
Wander: (in a deep voice) Slllllll –
Sylvia: Wander! (Angrily drops him in front of her) Look, we have got a very short window of time before Dragon Breath figures out a way to get to us. If we're gonna get to that nest in the next millennium, this "baby" is gonna have to man up –
(The egg glows brighter)
Wander: (applauds) Eeeeeeeeee!!!
Sylvia: (Angrily) And WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?!
(Wander points excitedly. Sylvia looks at the glowing egg as various hearts appear on it)
Wander: D'awwwwwwww, she likes you! (smiles with a baby face)
(The beast suddenly appears behind her, she roars)
Sylvia: (runs as fast as she can) Oh!
(A giant fireball starts to reach them)

(Cut to outside the other side, they get out and manage to dodge the fireball. Sylvia slips and accidentally drops the egg.)
Wander: MY BABY!!!
(Close up of the egg as it falls.)
Wander: WAHHHHH!!!
(The egg lands on a purple plant.)
Wander: Phew.
(The plant tips over and the egg continues to fall.)
Wander: WAHHHHH!!!
(The egg lands in a twisted tree bark and spins on its "loop" several times.)
Wander: Phew.
(The egg rolls through a hole in the bark and through a log, it stands at the tip of a cliff, just before it falls over and continues to fall.)
Wander: WAHHHHH!!!
(The egg lands on another purple plant.)
Wander: Phew.
(The plant throws the egg away, making it fall more.)
Wander: WAHHHHH!!!
(The egg rolls to the bottom of the mountain and comes to a stop in the snow.)
Wander: Phew, safe and sound, right back where we started.
(Sylvia feels her head in annoyance.)

(They slide to the bottom of the mountain, the beast tries to comes out of the cave.)
Sylvia: Quick! Out here, we're fish in a barrel!
Wander: What is wrong with you?! You've been flingin' this poor thing around like a sack of potatoes! Do you know nothing about pr-oper parenting?!
(Sylvia looks up, the beast struggles to get out of the cave.)
Sylvia: (stomping with fear) What?! What?! What do you want me to do?!
Wander: The baby needs to know we're helping it, not hurting it. It needs some reassurance. It needs...
Sylvia: Don't – tell me!
Wander: A hug! (makes a cute baby face.)
Sylvia: Over. My. Dead. Body.
(While saying this, the camera jumps closer to her face on each of the last three words, stopping on a extreme close-up of her eyes. Zoom out quickly as the beast roars, startling her. The beast continues to struggle, Sylvia grabs hold of the egg and hugs it. Wander watches as the egg glows and pink and hearts appear on it)
Sylvia: There! Good, right? Good? Can we go?
(The beast finally gets out of the cave and blows fire breath on Sylvia and the egg, burning them)
Sylvia: I'm not happy right now.

(Close up on Wander as he stares with a big frown on his face. However, he slowly smiles while at the same time, brings his banjo into view. He strums his banjo as he begins to sing)

(Song: "The Bronco's Buck")
Wander: We're on a quest to get Eggy to the nesty
Projectile spines, they hit more than they miss

Well, the baby has a scratch
On her shell that hasn't hatched
And a booboo just demands a kiss

And now you're shiverin' from frosty freezy ice breath
And I can tell you want to punch me in the gut

 The baby's cold, sad to admit
Needs Mother Hen to sit on it
And you have got the biggest butt

After getting hit with monster spit
A bath we take
And now we soothe your Eggy-Poo
With Patty-Cake

Caring for children is such fun, won't you agree?
You thought you'd kick some monster butt
Instead, you're dressed for tea!

Yup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup

(By this point, a beat up Sylvia begins climbing up the mountain.)

As we approach our final destination
You have been burned and singed and smashed and struck!

It was all worth it, oh, you'll agree
'Cause finally you will see...
A lump of love will take the bronco's buck!

Oh, yeah!
A lump of love will take the bronco's...
Buck!

(The music speeds up a little, Sylvia continues climbing for several seconds.)

Dee-yit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dee
Root-dit-dit-dit-dee
Doot-doot-dee, dee-dee-dee-doo

Dee-yit-dit-doo-doo-dit-dit-dee
Dee-dee-dit-doo-doo doo-doo-dee
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo doo-dit-dit-dee-dee-dee

Dee-dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dee
Root-dit-dit-dit-doo
Root-doot-dee, dee-dee-dee-doo

Dee-root-doot-doot-doot- dit-dit-dee
Root-doot-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo
Root-doo-doo, yit-dit-dit-dit-dee...
Dee

(After Sylvia goes off the top of the screen, Wander ends the song and pants.)

(Cut to the beast's nest. A tired Sylvia reaches it. Moment of silence.)
Sylvia: Finally. Good riddance! (throws the egg into the nest hard, cracking it)
(Sylvia mouthpalms and leans against it to hear something. She knocks on the egg, and there is a knock from inside. The background changes to the heart background from earlier)
Sylvia: (gasps)
(Sylvia hugs the egg, it glows. Camera pans over to Wander, squealing with joy)
Wander: Eeeeeeeee!!! (a heart appears over his head)
(Sylvia instantly backs up from the egg)
Sylvia: Ohhhhh, I see what you're doin', well, it's not, gonna, work. (the egg stops glowing) No cutesy wootsy egg is gonna make a softy outta me. Just as soon as Wander sees his lovey dovey plan go up in smoke, I will be back to doin' what I do best: kickin' some monster butt! Wah! Hee! Ha! Huh! (snorts, runs off)

(The egg begins to wobble as the beast flies overhead. It cracks, the beast stops and looks down)
Wander: Here we go! (sees Sylvia walking away) Hey! Aren't you gonna stay for the reunion?
Sylvia: Why? Do I look like a giant, flying lizard? Climb a mountain like some... (mutters) Stupid, I can't believe I'm doin' this!

(Song: "Mother and Child Y'all")
(Wander shrugs, then turns toward the egg as he clenches his hands together and smiles. Close up on the egg as part of it breaks off, revealing some aqua thing underneath. The beast smiles)
Oh, yeah
(Wander sees this, he turns back to the egg and smiles bigger. Closeup on the egg as more of it breaks off and the beast smiles)
Mother and child, y'all
(Close up on Wander, he smiles the biggest of all as his eyes widen. He turns back to the egg)
Mmmm, it's the big reunion
(The egg breaks entirely revealing an aqua puffball-like creature with purple eyes and pink wings)
Wow! Look out, that's the wrong baby!
(The creature chirps; close up of the beast as it stares for a moment, before hissing as if she's hungry. She licks her lips)

(Close up on Wander as his excitement immediately fades away)
Wander: WAAAAAHHHHHH!!! SYLVIAAAAA!!! (he zips off)

(The beast starts divebombing for the creature as it chirps more)

(Cut to Wander, standing on another part of the mountain.)
Wander: YOU WERE RIGHT!!!

(Cut to the beast as she continues to fly towards the creature, who chirps.)

(Cut to Wander in a spine field.)
Wander: IT DOES WANT TO EAT US!!!

(Cut back to the beast; she is almost to the creature, it chirps still.)

(Cut back to Wander one last time.)
Wander: SYLVIAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

(Cut back to the beast one last time, she opens her mouth and the creature chirps more, Sylvia suddenly comes in front of it)
Sylvia: Back off, you thick-widded, skink! WHY DON'T YA PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE?!?!?
(The beast still continues to fly towards them, the creature starts crying)
Sylvia: (to the creature) Hush now, sweetie. (cut to the inside of the beast's mouth) Everything's gonna be... (gasps)

(We see the beast again, mouth wide open. She suddenly stops flying in shock)
Sylvia: All... right?
(She looks up. Zoom out to reveal a dark green puffball creature, who is buzzing like mad. She is the creature's real mother. She roars at the Doom Dragon, draining it of color. The Doom Dragon begins yipping, with its tail in between its legs, it flies away. The ending portion of "Bronco's Buck" plays in the background)

(Cut back to the nest, Sylvia watches as the puffballs snuggle each other happily. The baby chirps)
Sylvia: (gulps, sighs)
Wander: (offscreen, sees a lump in Sylvia's throat) Look! A little lump of love! (guides it down to her stomach)
(Widen to frame a smiling Wander, who has joined them. The baby puffball snuggles Sylvia.)
Sylvia: Took the buck outta the bronco. (pulls Wander's hat down over his eyes)
Wander: (chuckles) Oh!
(Sylvia pulls him close and snuggles him, followed by the baby puffball. Long shot of the gang, the baby puffball chirps.)
Wander: D'awwwwwwww! (Snap to black.)

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