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The Epic Quest of Unfathomable Difficulty!!!/Transcript

< The Epic Quest of Unfathomable Difficulty!!!

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(Scene opens on a sandy desert planet with a town on the bottom. Zoom in to an overhead shot; Sylvia rushes by with Wander on her back, both screaming. A crowd of Watchdogs rush behind them, firing their blasters. Front-on shot of the two, followed by side view then the Watchdogs. Cut to a long shot of the landscape as they rush past in the distance, panning downwards slightly as they rush past either side. The last pan focuses on a single white sock with two stripes of red and blue, and Wander eventually walks up to it. He kneels down and looks at it as Sylvia rushes by, grunting as she handles the Watchdogs. She finally kicks and flings them away, before sighing and sweating slightly. She walks over to Wander on the start of the next line.)
Sylvia: So, uh...hey, I couldn't help but notice, but you left me alone to deal with all those Watchdogs. What's that all about? (Wander doesn't answer.) Still waitin' on an answer.
Wander: (picks up the sock) Sylvia, this is somebody's sock! (Close-up.) That means there's a sad, sockless soul out there, with a very cold, naked foot, pining away for their one lonely sock's twin! (Cut to frame Sylvia, he climbs onto her.) We can't just turn our backs on what could be someone's greatest hour of need. Haven't you ever lost something you wished you could get back?
Sylvia: Besides the last ten seconds of this conversation?
Wander: (Now on her head, he giggles.) Come on! It'll be fun! Besides, how hard can it be to return a sock?
Sylvia: (scoffs) Fine...
(He holds the sock high as the scene zooms out to show they are on a mountain. Freeze-frame as the sky goes red and the title appears, first part appearing immediately, second part appearing moments later.)

(Cut to a setting of Indian-styled buildings and pan down, showing this town very similar to the one visited in "The Fugitives". Cut to Wander and Sylvia, the former lying on a bunch of baskets. A diver walks by.)
Wander: Pardon me, miss, but is this your sock? (A Binglebop hops past.) You got feet? I got a sock! What a coincidence!
(Another creature walks by as he reaches into his hat. He gets out a blue megaphone and walks up the baskets; widen a bit as he holds the sock up. His next line is amplified by the megaphone.)
Wander: Attention, shoppers! Is anybody missing a sock? (Close-up.) It's...whiiite...with two striiipes... (voice not amplified) it's a sock... (voice amplified, spins sock) Anybody?!
(The basket he's standing on suddenly gives way and he falls into it.)
Sylvia: Oh, this is gonna take forever. (pulls Wander out) If we're gonna do a stupid thing, let's at least be smart about it!

(Cut to a building.)
Sylvia: (from inside) We'll leave the sock here.
(Cut to inside the building to reveal they are at a lost and found station.)
Sylvia: Whoever lost it will come find it. It's right there in the title.
(Wander looks up at the "Lost & Found" sign over the man at the counter. Cut to a close-up of him, he eyes the man as he rubs a finger against the counter.)
Wander: (Suspiciously) I don't know... What kind of background checks do they run on – (Widen to frame Sylvia.) people claiming lost items?
Sylvia: Wander, this man is a professional. He will make sure this precious cargo finds its way home. (to the man) Right?
(The man behind the counter pushes his chair back. Cut to a curtain as he rolls up to it and grabs a cord.)
Man: It'll definitely end up somewhere.
(He pulls the cord, the curtain opens revealing a myriad of boxes behind it. Back to Wander and Sylvia.)
Sylvia: See? "Somewhere!" Hand over the sock.
(Wander looks down at the sock and walks offscreen. Cut to the counter, after he takes one last glance at the sock, he puts it on there and backs off slowly. Cut to Sylvia with the exit door behind her as he walks up.)
Wander: Gropspeed, little friend!
(Sylvia leads Wander out with her.)
Man: (offscreen) Although – (cut to him) if you really want to find the owner...
(Right on cue, Wander slides back into the shop.)
Wander: We do! We really do!!
(Close-up of the door as Sylvia peeks in and frowns. Cut to the man, zooming in slowly as the lighting around him darkens.)
Man: Legend tells of the Intergalactic Guru, a being of infinite wisdom, who has answers to every question in the universe.
Wander: Oooh!
Man: But, be warned! (He makes a fist.) The journey to the Guru is fraught with peril! (Sylvia rolls her eyes.) Few have survived. (He does a gesture before Wander.) Those who have were driven to the depths of madnesssssss.
(Widen to frame all three, pause.)
Wander: That...sounds... (jumps up) AWEEESOME!!! (Close-up, he grabs a pen at the counter and starts writing on his hand.) Gimme a pen! I gotta write all this down!
(Sylvia walks up, zoom out to frame her.)
Sylvia: (to the man) Couldn't just take the sock, could you?
Man: First...

(Zoom in quickly and zoom out, showing Wander and Sylvia before a set of trees.)
Man: (voiceover) ...you must brave the Grizzly Forest – (Cut to a long shot of the forest) so named for its fierce grizzlock population.
(A myriad of glowing, red eyes peek out of the trees on the end of this. Side view as Wander and Sylvia rush into the trees; a front-on shot shows silhouettes of grizzly bears chasing them, only their eyes and teeth visible. Sylvia catches Wander in her tail and jumps up out of frame; Cut to them as they get caught on something.)
Man: (voiceover) But beware the less famous, but equally deadly Giant Hoarder Scorpion!
(The camera shows the scorpian in full on the end of this. Something in its claw shines, zoom in on that object, a key with a skull-shaped head.)
Man: (voiceover) There you will find the key...

(The background dissolves to Wander holding it in an unknown place. He puts it into a lock and turns it.)
Man: (voiceover) ...To the Tomb of the Unknown Emperor...
(On the end of this, zoom out to show them in said tomb as the door in front of them opens. Wander smiles and exits, zoom out quickly to an overview of a hallway.)
Man: (voiceover) Where you will have to tame the Fierce Tigrex of Nil!
(On the end of this, cut to a front-on shot of the duo as we hear a roar, a behind shot shows them in front of the Tigrex. It roars; zoom in to the inside of its open mouth and cut to an overview of Wander petting it as it purrs and naps..)
Man: (voiceover) There you shall find a map –
(Sylvia peeks out and points, cut to behind her shoulder at the ceiling, showing a drawing of something.)
Man: (voiceover) Leading to the Farbrix Lavadrome.

(Zoom in on the map quickly and cut to Wander and Sylvia at a volcano of said place. Both grab hold of each other and fall through, it booms slightly. Cut to them running across a bridge, Wander carrying a princess and fireballs flying down between them.)
Man: (voiceover) Rescue the fair Princess Galactia.
(Brief shot of a Doom Dragon firing said fireballs from its mouth. Back to the bridge, before cutting to Wander, Galactia still in his grip.)
Princess Galactia: Oh, my heroes!
(The sock in his hand catches fire, he throws Galactia aside as she screams. He block on the sock as he runs off camera; Sylvia rushes by, Galactia holding onto her head. One last fireball fires, exploding to block out the screen.)

(Zoom out quickly, cutting to a throne room with a python sitting on a throne. Wander and Sylvia stand on the right, Galactia stands on the left, pointing at him.)
Man: (voiceover) She will lead you to the Infinity Crystals – (Close-up of the python, he notices something as his eyes turn into pink/yellow hypnotic spirals.) which you must pry from the throne of the easily amused – (Cut to Wander, doing a dance.) Dragor the Destructible.
(Back to Dragor on the end of this, obviously amused by Wander's dancing. Pan upwards to Sylvia, trying to pry a pink diamond-shaped jewel off the throne. She growls.)
Sylvia: (Through gritted teeth) Rassafrassin' crystal! Rassafrassin' quest!

(Zoom in quickly, cutting to an ice-coated bridge. Blue fireballs fire down as Wander and Sylvia rush across, Wander carrying someone.)
Man: (voiceover) After that, head to the Ice-atorium to rescue the unfair Princess Veronicron.
(Cut to a Doom Dragon firing the fireballs on the end of this. On Wander, carrying Veronicron)
Princess Veronicron: Ugh! Ya call this a rescue?

(Zoom in on Veronicron quickly and zoom out, showing a creature with a mouth on a flower like face. It vocalizes badly off key, Wander and Sylvia ride by on a canoe, eyes squeezed shut)
Man: (voiceover) Resist the Solar Siren's sweet song.
Sylvia: Yeah, not that hard to resist.

(Zoom in on the Solar Siren quickly, cutting to the two in quicksand)
Man: (voiceover) Survive the Quicksand of Forgetfulness.
Wander: Wait, what were we doing? (looks down) Oh, yeah.
(They scream)

(Zoom in quickly, cutting to a thorny landscaoe in the rain. Wander and Sylvia stand on one of them, bowing before someone)
Man: (voiceover) Humble yourselves before the legendary Neon Knight of Nalpraxis.
(Thunder crash, close-up of them. The knight is cyan and glowing brightly.)
Neon Knight: (Holds hand out) Call me Jim.
(Wander and Sylvia stare at each other.)

(Another thunder crash, snapping to black. Pan downwards to an overview of an arena with various creatures around the screen. Wander and Sylvia are down below, fending off some knights)
Man: (voiceover) The Neon Knight shall join your party, but bore you with endless stories about old fishing trips.
(Close-up, Wander is swiping his sock at a knight while Sylvia holds a shield to block an attack.)
Neon Knight: Well, we never thought we'd catch a snook with that lure. Now, the thing you gotta know about your snook –
Sylvia: NOT THE TIME, JIM!!

(Zoom in on the knight quickly and zoom out, showing him with Veronicron and waving goodbye.)
Man: (voiceover) Don't worry. He'll find true love, and you'll remember him fondly.
(Widen to show Wander and Sylvia, sad and leaving a castle with the two at its door. Wander sits on her back, tears streaming down his cheeks.)
Wander: (sniffs) I'll miss him so much.
Sylvia: How will we ever go on?
Wander: We must! For the sock, Jim would want it that way.

(Zoom in on them quickly and zoom out, they are now in a forest before a troll standing on a bridge.)
Man: (voiceover) Answer the riddles three of the Blarnian Bridge Troll.
Wander: (pauses, pointing fingers out) A triangle, a child's laughter, and to see time fly!
(After a pause, the door in the troll's chest opens up.)

(Zoom in on the troll quickly and zoom out, cutting to a canyon with a chained giant bald eagle creature off to the side. Wander and Sylvia walk past, gazes averted)
Man: (voiceover) Cross the mountain pass, without looking at the Hippogriff.

(Zoom in quickly and zoom out, cutting to a diner on a planet with rings.)
Man: (voiceover) Stop...at Bloyd's Diner.
(Cut to inside the diner where Wander and Sylvia are munching away on sandwiches, the latter wearing an orange neckerchief.)
Man: (voiceover) Ahh, best blegg-salad sandwich you'll ever eat. (They finish eating, Wander pokes at his mouth while Sylvia burps and swallows.)

(Zoom in quickly, cutting to a long shot of a snowy alp landscape. Zoom in on Wander, meditating with the sock before him.)
Man: (voiceover) Discover the true secret – (He opens his quivering eyes and smiles.) was inside you, all along.
(He sheds a single tear.)

(Snap to Wander and Sylvia with snow falling rapidly around them, both completely worn out and their appearances changed a bit. Wander: Hat torn up at the brim with a small patch at the top and star button dirtied a bit, small armband on his right arm, white beard stylized like Merlin's, large, curvy staff. Sylvia: snout scarred with a bandage in place of her bridle and rein, mane slightly disheveled, loupe over right eye, olive, woolly native-american scarf with a red zigzag pattern and beads, blanket torn up slightly, small tattoo on her right arm. The sock stands tied to Wander's armband.)
Man: (voiceover) And BOOM! You're at the Intergalactic Guru's temple...
(Behind shot, this shows Sylvia's feet are dirty slightly and has white bands tied to her tail hairs. Wander is missing one of his socks as well.)
Man: (voiceover) After you climb the million... (pan up the increasingly long staircase in front of them.) quinquog-inter-quadra-tentillion steps!
(Stop at the top where a violet light is glowing. Back on Wander and Sylvia, the shot is close enough to pick out Wander's remaining sock and shoes, which are dirtied and torn slightly. Sylvia also sports a brace on her right leg and a small scar on her tail. As Wander starts up the steps, Sylvia's lips quiver, and she sobs loudly. Cut between different angles of the two working their way up.)
Man: (voiceover) But remember – you may ask the Guru only one question – (They reach the top.) so choose wisely.
(Long shot of the Guru, before cutting to a wide shot of Wander as he bows.)
Wander: O Great and Mighty Intergalactic Guru, keeper of the wisdom of the cosmos, (his perspective of the Guru.) grand observer of all that is and will be...
(Back to Wander, he takes the sock out of his beard.)
Wander: Is this your sock?
(Back to the Guru, when he speaks, his voice echos.)
Guru: Nope.
(Cut to Sylvia, whose face frops in shock. Side view of Wander.)
Wander: Okay, thanks.
(He drops his staff and walks away. Cut to Sylvia as Wander walks past, revealing his beard to be fake as he takes it off.)
Sylvia: "Whose sock is this?" Not "Is this yours?" "Whose?"!
(She faints, and her loupe and scarf come off. Wander walks onto her back.)
Wander: I'll admit that last plan was a little...tricky. But this sock is important to somebody. (Close-up.) We've just got to return it, Sylvia! (Holding it up) No matter how long it takes, (Cut to a staring Sylvia.) no grueling the journey, (Back to him.) how dangerous the – (He slips off before he can finish.)
Sylvia: (offscreen) Oh! (Widen to frame them both.) Silly me! This is my sock! (She picks it up.)
(Her tone of voice sounds more like a valley girl. She will speak in this manner on her next line.)
Wander: It is?
Sylvia: Uh-huh! (giggles) Where has my head been? Thanks for returning it!
Wander: (scratches chin) Hmmm...I don't recall you ever wearing shoes, let alone socks.
(Cut to Sylvia, struggling to put the sock on her left foot.)
Sylvia: (grunting) Get in there!
Wander: (Runs up) Stop! You're stretching it!
(They instantly combine into a ball as they roll off the ledge and tumble down the stairs. They land on the bottom, fully clean as before. The sock floats down; close-up of Sylvia as it lands on her snout and a small slip of paper pops out with a "kaching" sound.)
Sylvia: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
(Wander takes the sock. Cut to behind his shoulder, it says "If LOST retrn to 1313" with the rest cut off. The word "LOST" is written in red, he gasps.)
Wander: Look at that!! The return address was inside the sock all along!! (Wide shot, framing an irritated Sylvia, he giggles.) Isn't that high-larious?
(Sylvia swipes the sock from him and grumbles while walking away. Wander jumps on her tail and rides on it. Snap to black.)

(Fade up and pan down to a rather grimy and bleak village. Wander and Sylvia come out from behind one of the houses.)
Wander: Hello?
(Cut to a set of houses, the inhabitants inside the windows close them before Wander and Sylvia walk by.)
Wander: Olly olly oxen free!
(Overhead shot, the inhabitants close their windows as Wander and Sylvia walk through. Front-on shot, a tumbleweed rolls up to them and stops as they look at it. It impossibly rushes off.)
Sylvia: This place gives me the heebies with a side order of jeebies.
Wander: (Calling out) Can anyone tell us how to get to (reading sock) 1313 Looming Terror Drive?
(Pause, cut to behind his shoulder. A window opens and its inhabitant points ahead. Wander looks in that direction, pan quickly to a rather ominous looking castle.)
Doom doom doom doooooooooom
(Thunder crashes during this. Back to Wander and Sylvia.)
Wander: (singy-songy) I bet they have a beautiful view!
Sylvia: (knocks Wander off her back) No! Uh-uh! Wander, we've done a lot of stupid things to return this sock, but if we go up there, we're – gonna – die! I can live with stupid, but I can't live with death.
Wander: But we're so close.
Sylvia: I don't care! We're done! We still have to make it out alive and – You're already up there, aren't 'cha?
(He is. Cut to her perspective of him running up the hill, she rushes after him as the camera pans up to the castle.)

(Cut to one of the guards at the door; the tops of Wander and Sylvia's heads walk by in the distance. Both peek up, but duck down when three other guards go past. Sylvia peeks out the side of the castle and throws a loose stalagmite off camera. The guard goes off to get it, giving the cue for the two to rush inside.)
(Front-on shot of the main hallway inside, torches with blue flames on either side. The two rush through; cut to side view as they enter a doorway, just as its door closes behind them. Cut to the other side of the door, they flash each other a triumphant smile before a blue ray zaps above Wander's head. Point of view shot at a rather creepy looking ruler, he snarls, cut back to the two.)
Wander: Um...is this –
Ruler: (pointing) SEIZE THEM!
(Right on cue, a huge myriad of axes point at them.)

(Thunder crash; cut to Wander and Sylvia suspended over a vat of some boiling hot liquid, the guards surrounding. Close-up on them.)
Sylvia: (sobbing) There was so much I didn't get to do! I can't believe this is the end! And all over a so-o-o-ock!!
(Close-up on Wander as he eyes the sock for a moment.)
Wander: E-excuse me, Mr. Executioner, sir? (Widen to frame the executioner.) does Destructor have too few socks?
Executioner: No.
Wander: Mmm, too many, like—
Executioner: No.
Wander: Mmm, has he ever, ever, lost a sock?
Executioner: No. (begins to turn the crank next to him but stops) Oh, wait, actually, his horribleness did lose one sock, so, he bought a new pair. I mean, they're just socks. Well, time to meet your doom. See ya!
(He turns the crank, and the chain suspending Wander and Sylvia slowly lowers them toward the pot. Brief shot of a smiling Destructor, then cut to Wander and Sylvia. The latter has her eyes closed tight.)
Wander: Sylvia, I am sorry. (She opens her eyes.) I thought that going out of your way to be kind to someone would always be worth the trouble, but I was wrong, and you were right. This is just a dumb sock, and it doesn't matter a lick to anyone.
(On the last word, he lets the sock go. Cut to an overhead shot of the pot, zooming in slowly as the sock falls in slow motion towards it. Sylvia suddenly catches it with her tail.)
Sylvia: No, Wander. This sock does matter to someone: To you! And I will not let this entire...stupid quest be in vain! (to Destructor) Yo! Head-case! (Cut to Destructor as he responds, followed by a long shot of Wander and Sylvia. The animation shifts to slow motion, Sylvia throws the sock.)
Sylvia: Is...this...your...sock?
(The animation returns to normal speed as the sock lands on Destructor's face. It lands on his leg, roaring, he stands up while flaming his hand. Cut back to Wander and Sylvia, the latter with her eyes closed tight, while using her tail to cover the former's face)
High-pitched voice: Stop!
(She opens one eye and lifts her tail while doing the same to Wander. Cut to the kingdom's inhabitants: greyscale bean creatures in black sacks. Back to Destructor, his hand extinguishes, close-up on him.)
Destructor: Who dares?! (Pan to the right showing him using the sock as a puppet.) "I dare!" (as himself) Who? (as the sock) "Surely, you remember!"

(Flashback to a baby Destructor, body pink instead of blue and wearing gold armor instead of black, playing with the same sock. He is in a bedroom and has a halo over his head.)
Young Destructor: La la la la la! Ha ha ha!
(The sock is taken away from him. Widen to frame his father.)
Destructor's Father: If you're to rule this kingdom, you must put away childish things.
(On the end of this, he tosses the sock out the window. Cut to outside showing a rather sweeter version of the castle as the sock falls by, camera following it to a bilge ship as it lands on it. Back to Baby Destructor, he roars; cut to outside the castle as it becomes dark and murky like before. The effect spreads down to the rest of the kingdom, as well as its inhabitants, whose bodies and clothes change from off white and colorful respectively to greyscale and black. Overhead shot of the father and inhabitants as a shadow of jail doors slides in, then cut to a long shot of the throne room, showing a now blue-skinned, black armored Destructor on his throne as the guards march past. Close-up on him.)
(End flashback.)

(Destructor's skin and armor dissolve to pink and gold as before, and a halo appears over his head. He smiles.)
Destructor: My friend! (hugs the sock) I've missed you so much. (Cut to a staring Wander and Sylvia.) Thank you. (Back to him, standing up.) Thank you for returning literally the most important thing in the entire universe! Release them!
(Cut to Wander and Sylvia as they are released from the chain, the pot of liquid gone. Back to him.)
In fact, release all the prisoners, and make them Dukes!
(Cut to a prison cell as the guards open it. The inhabitants, skin and clothes not back to off-white and colorful, run out cheering. Back to Destructor.)
Destructor: EXCEPT THAT GUY!!!
(Cut to "That Guy", an inhabitant dressed in blue, as he gets stopped by an axe.)
"That Guy": Aww...
Destructor: (as the sock) "Destructor!" (as himself) Make him an Archduke!
("That Guy" receives a golden scepter with blue jewels, and runs off. Destructor's father peeks in from inside the cell.)
Destructor: (offscreen) Father... (cut to him) All is forgiven!
(He spreads his arms wide on the end of this. Cut to outside as Destructor hugs his father. From below their feet, the landscape around them turns all bright and happy, it spreads upward to the entire kingdom and the castle, and a rainbow appears over it as coins begin falling down from the sky. Cut to Wander and Sylvia, confusion written all over their faces as the inhabbitants celebrate around them. Close-up on them as they just stare.)

(Close-up of Destructor's sock.)
Destructor: (as the sock) "Fare thee well, brave heroes!"
(Wide shot, framing Destructor and his father waving goodbye, with the inhabitants around them. A wider shot shows Wander and Sylvia leaving the kingdom, still sporting the same confused expressions on their faces as earlier. Close-up on Wander.)
Wander: I just thought someone's foot might get cold.
(Pan downwards to Sylvia, who just gives a rather uneasily look at the camera, and the view snaps to black.)

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