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The Greater Hater/Transcript

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I&#039;ll call my new planet whatever I want! I'll call my new planet whatever I want!


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Part 1

(Opens showing a brown planet with Hater's ship over it.)
Hater: (laughs maniacally) I hereby conquer this planet in the name of LORD HATER! The greatest in the galaxy!
(thunder effects are shown)
Hater: HAAAAAA...HAHAHAHAHA!
(Hater sees Wander carrying his team's flag.)
Wander: Hey, Hater! Got your team's flag! Gotta tag me! (runs off)
(Peepers begs Hater to ignore Wander, but Hater starts chasing Wander anyway.)
Hater: RAAAWWWWWWWWWR! Get back here!
Peepers: (running after Hater) Ugh! Please, sir! No! Just ignore 'im! (gets a hold of Hater's cloak) You know Wander's the reason you're no longer the greatest in the galaxy.
(screen pauses, Hater turns and gives Peepers an angry look)
Peepers: I'm sorry, sir, but it's true. You wasted so much time chasing him around the universe that you've lost any standing you had as a real villain! And now, there's bad guys everywhere taking over all the territory you lost! You're more like twenty-ninth greatest in the galaxy! Which is why we need to get back in the game and conquer as many planets as possible!
(Wander reappears on the screen with Hater's flag.)
Wander: HATER! (runs away) Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!
Hater: Peepers, that's totally what I'm trying to do, but, like, Wander totally took our flag!
(Lord Hater shakes during the following line:)
Peepers: Sir, the flag is really just symbolic.
Hater: No! Get him!
(a Watchdog group runs off to catch Wander and they run over Peepers)

(cut to a mountain where Sylvia is snoring)
Background singer: Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

Background singer:
Doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

(camera shifts to Hater and the Watchdogs chasing Wander)
Wander: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAA!

Background singer: Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
(camera shifts to Sylvia)
Sylvia: (yawns) That's my cue. Ladies? (blasts off into the sky; in the air:) RAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hater/Watchdogs: (trying to catch Wander) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Sylvia knocks out a vast majority of the Watchdogs)
Hater: (still trying to catch up to Wander) RRRRAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR!
Peepers: Nothing... (camera zooms out) ...ever... (camera zooms out) ...changes.
(Camera zooms up. We see a black shadow. Meanwhile, Sylvia is still taking out the Watchdogs. The scene pauses in the middle of her action. She and the Watchdogs look up.)
Hater: (chasing Wander, who stops next to Sylvia) RAAAAAWWWWWWR! RAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- Hater continues to run before stopping next to Peepers and looks up as well.)
(A drill plummets straight into the ground, breaking the Skullship in half and totally destroying half the planet. The title card appears on the drill. After the title card, the drill stops in place and the object lights up)
Sylvia: (while stepping backwards one step a word) Who...is...this...guy?
Wander: Definitely new to the neighborhood. (gasps) Maybe we should go say hi! (goes running off)
(Sylvia grabs Wander)
Sylvia: Wander, these are bad neighbors, and I think it's time to move. (sees that Wander is out of her sight)
(scene cuts to where Wander is)
Wander: Uh, sorry, Syl. But what do I always say? An enemy is just a friend you haven't made yet! (camera zooms out to reveal Wander riding the drill) Sometimes, you have to look beyond the demonic exterior of someone's horrifying battle cruiser, find the person inside, and offer them your friendship!
(Sylvia gives herself a facepalm.)
Wander: No matter how terrified you may be! Besides, I have a secret weapon! (pulls out fruit basket)
Singer: Fruit basket!
Wander: Going up! First floor, scary lava ship. Top floor, friendship! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sylvia: (from the ground, to Wander; sighs) Got your back, buddy, (pulls out fists) with two weapons of my own. Right, ladies? (fists shiver)
(Sylvia hops on the drill.)

(cut to Hater and Peepers)
Hater: Oh. (gets back up) What just happened?
Peepers: Gee, sir! Maybe EXACTLY WHAT I SAID WAS HAPPENING!! While you were busy chasing Wander around, (points) you got planet-jacked!
Hater: What is this, amateur hour? He can't just swoop in and steal a planet after I already planted a flag.
Peepers: The flag is a symbol! (walks up to Hater) Sir, this guy's impressive. Maybe too impressive! I suggest we go and deal with this foe when we're better prepared! (sees Hater not in his sight)
(Hater is revealed to be riding up the drill.)
Hater: Please. An enemy's just an enemy I haven't defeated yet. I'll show this chump what happens when you mess with the (points to himself in a bragging manner) greatest in the galaxy. Be back at (holds up hand) five.

(cut to Wander and Sylvia walking around at a strange location.)
Wander: Hello! Anybody here?
(camera position changes as Wander peeks) Wander: Welcome to our galaxy! (legs shake)
(Sylvia peeks. Camera shifts to Wander and Sylvia's point of view and zooms out.)
Sylvia: Well. Nobody home. Let's go.
(Sylvia disappears from the screen, but Wander is still walking forward.)
Wander: No way. Ship this big, there's gotta be someone on board. (walking through hallway; to ship owner) If you don't like fruit...
(camera zooms out to reveal someone watching Wander and Sylvia)
Wander (cont'd): ...there's also a selection of small cheeses!

(cut to Wander and Sylvia walking in the hallway, a lot of rolling balls are heading toward them)
Wander: Finally. The welcome party!
Sylvia: Not the vibe I'm getting here.
(the ball-shaped robots sprout out legs and guns, targeting Wander and Sylvia)
Wander: (starts walking around) Hello! Hey, there! Folks call me Wander, (extends his arm to grab Sylvia) and this is Sylvia! Welcome to the galaxy. (the robots tilt their heads in confusion) We hope you will accept our humble gift of--
(Wander and Sylvia get shot.)
Wander: AAAAAAAAAAAH!
(Wander and Sylvia move out of the space.)
Sylvia: (heading towards the robots) ROOOOOOOOOOOOOAR! (punches one of the robots and falls back in pain with a crooked arm) OOOOWWWWWWWW!
Wander: (comes running up to Sylvia) Sylvia, you okay?
Sylvia: Watchdogs are usually so soft and mushy. (stands back up)
(The robot fires some lava, which forms a pair of hand cuffs on Sylvia's wrists)
Sylvia: Cuffs? (breaks them apart) Please! (the cuffs reconnect, bringing her hands closer together) Okay, worried again.
(Wander shuffles up to the robots with a stern look on his face)
Wander: Perhaps you did not notice our gift. (holds the fruit basket closer to one of the robots)
(Cut to the mysterious figure's view of Wander on screen)
Wander: (cheerfully) From your new friends! To... whoever you are!
(The figure presses a few buttons and the robot sprouts an arm, taking the fruit basket)
Wander: See, Syl? An enemy is just a friend you-- (the robot sprouts another arm, grabbing Wander) AH!
(Another robot sprouts an arm and grabs Sylvia)
(The robots march off, taking Wander and Sylvia with them)
Wander: Hey, careful! Careful! There's a honeydew here, man!

Part 2

(Hater and Peepers are in a large room filled with assorted weapons.)

Hater: (pouting) This guy's not so cool.

Peepers: Oh, he's the real deal, sir. This is one serious arsenal. Ooh! Level 5 mega-lasers?!

Hater: (scoffs) Whatever.

Peepers: Nova-combusters?! I didn't even think those existed!

Hater: Big deal. I could have that, I just don't want to.

Peepers: (sees a giant three-legged robot) And THAT! I-I don't know what... that is, but--

Hater: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! IT'S SUPER COOL! THAT'S WHAT IT IS! (angrily) I can't wait to put this guy in his place! First, he steals my stolen planet, then he has the nerve to have stuff that I want! Why don't we have awesome stuff like this?! This is your fault, isn't it?!

Peepers: We could've had all this, but someone needed a hot tub, and an arcade, and an entire research team to develop new barbecue sauces for the food court! A FOOD COURT, BY THE WAY, WE BUILT INSTEAD OF AN ATOM SMASHER, WHICH THIS GUY ALSO HAS!!

Hater: Well, I CAN HAVE ALL THAT AND MORE! For I am Lord Hater, the greatest in the--

Peepers: Twenty...ninth... greatest!

Hater: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (kicks away one of the giant robot's legs in frustration, causing the robot to fall down) Huh! Not so cool now, are ya? Ha-ha! (starts performing a victory dance as '90s hip-hop music plays)

(The camera zooms out to reveal the figure's view of Hater on screen. The figure presses a button.)

(Cut back to Hater, still dancing, in front of the giant robot, which glows and regenerates a new leg. The robot stands up again and Hater stops dancing. The robot looks at Hater and Peepers.)

(Cut to the robot's point of view)

Hater: (exasperated) Ah! So cool!

(The robot targets Hater and Peepers and lava-blasts them through a wall)

Hater and Peepers: AAAAHHHHHHH! (They hit another wall and land on the floor. The robot approaches the two, who look at each other in fear and zip away before the robot gives chase.) AAAAAHHHHHH!

Wander: Hey, that was thoughtfully arranged! Do you have any idea how hard it is to balance bananas?

Sylvia: Wander, I know you don't wanna hear this, but these guys are trouble.

Wander: Maybe you're right.

Sylvia: No, they're not friendly, they're-- what? Wait, what?

Wander: I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I'm starting to feel not very welcomed here.

Sylvia: Tell me about it.

Wander: Maybe this enemy is just an enemy.

Sylvia: I'm sorry, buddy. I know you always want to see the best in people, but sometimes, there's nothing there to see. Either way, these walls ain't budging. We're not going anywhere.

Wander: Heh. You'd almost think they wanted us to stay... Maybe this is how they show hospitality where they're from! Maybe this is all some kooky mix-up that we'll all laugh about later over ripe cantaloupe!

Sylvia: Maybe one of us has a hard time dealing with rejection.

Wander: Welcome party back on track!

Singer: Fruit basket!

You!

You!

Me!

Them!

Wander: Are you here to meet our new neighbor, too? I don't see a gift.

Hater: Haven't forgotten about my flag!

Sylvia: No, no time!

Sylvia: Must go faster... Much faster... Oh, cuffs are seriously slowing me down. Who is this guy?!

Sylvia: No... no... no...

Wander: I'm really sorry, Syl, but I gotta try. I know this seems bananas, and I must be plum outta my melon, but I don't pear! The way I fig-ure, even the rottenest apple has a sweet spot at its core. KUMQUAT!!

Sylvia: Wander, he's gonna destroy you.

Wander: Sorry, I gotta try. Hello to you. Folks call me Wander, and this is Sylvia. Welcome to the galaxy. We hope you will accept our humble gift of friendship. Uh. Perhaps I was a bit too formal. Hello. Hi. How's it goin'? Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Hello! Nope. Less formal, less formal. (breathes) 'Sup? Saaalutations! Hello! Howdy! Knock-knock. Who's there? It's me! Hello. Bee-boop, we come in peace. Buddy! You narfin' frood! I love the place! Fruit basket! (throwing fruit angrily from the basket at the villain's head) This is for you! And that! And that! And that! And that! (wiping the back of the villain's neck) I'm so sorry. No! (crossing his arms) Sylvia, I don't think our new friend is very friendly.

Sylvia: Ya think?!

Wander: I think this calls for the big guns... (pulls out his banjo)

Sylvia: Wander, please. No, not that.

Wander: (singing) Hello, it's nice to meet ya,

We brought something to feed ya

Some berries and bananas...

Sylvia: Wander!

Wander: And I hope we can... be... friends.

Part 3

Peepers: Whew! Sir, I really must insist we go and deal with this foe when we're better prepared.

Hater: Maybe you're right.

Peepers: What?! Wait, what? I mean, good. Yes. Now we just have to break out of here quietly and carefully. Oh, I'll settle for loudly and quickly! Come on, sir! Let's get outta here so you can focus on being the greatest in the galaxy again!

Hater: Twenty-ninth greatest.

Peepers: What?

Hater: If I'm gonna be the greatest in the galaxy again, I'm gonna start with whoever this loser is. Hey, robo-dork! Let's rumba!

Peepers: Sir, what are you doing?

Hater: I can't run if I want to be number one.

Sylvia: Wander? Wander! WANDER!! Oh, Wander, thank Grop. Let him go, you molten menace! He was only trying to be your friend! Folks call me Sylvia... and I'm not so nice! (referring to her fists) Ladies? (The fists appear to nod in approval and Sylvia bursts out of the trap.) Welcome to the galaxy! (Before she can throw a punch, the lava traps her in a ball form from the neck down.) Ah. No!

Hater: Finally! My brilliant getting-captured plan has led us right to this two-bit terror. Time to take this sucker down.

Bot: Invaders apprehended, Lord Dominator.

Hater: Lord Dominator? DAAAH! THAT TOTALLY RHYMES WITH HATER! What?! He totally looks like...!

Wander: (weakly) Hey, friend.

Hater: AAAAGH! He's... destroy... my enemy... hate... jerk! What I wanted... to do... GAAAAAGGHH!! SO COOL! MUST DESTROY!!!

Hater: Wander's my enemy.

Wander: Enemy? Aw, c'mon, Hater, you know an enemy is just a friend you haven't made yet.

Hater: What? Ew! Shut up! (Hater zaps the hardened lava off Wander, releasing him.)

Sylvia: Wander! Are you okay, buddy?

Peepers: Impressive, sir. Sorry for doubting you. After defeating this guy, you most certainly are the greatest in the galaxy.

Hater: Accept no imitations! Okay, time out. Fine! You can be the greatest in the galaxy!

Okay.

Mercy, please.

Wander: Hey, watch the lava 'round the guava!

Peepers: Oh, yes, you'll most definitely conquer the entire galaxy with those. But you can't run if you wanna be number one! (Peepers stomps the controls, kicks them around, and uses the fin on his helmet to pierce through the board and tear it up.)

Singers: Commander Peepers!

Peepers: Ha ha! Yes! Let this be a reminder that if you march in to my galaxy, you're gonna have to deal with me!

Sylvia: Wander!

Wander: I have had enough! I will have you know I gave you a gift, I complemented your ship, I even played you a song! All in the name of friendship. And you can't even be neighborly and make some small talk like, "Thanks for the fruit basket, Wander. Wander. Isn't that an interesting name?" And I'd be like, "Well, I guess. Funny story, that's not really my--" But that's not important! What is important is I told you that an enemy is just a friend you haven't made yet. But after your rude and inconsiderate behavior today, I'm not sure I want... to be... your friend! And I must admit...

Sylvia: I'm coming, buddy!

Wander: ...though it hurts to say it... I have to tell you... that I don't think that you deserve...

(Sylvia snatches him and zooms away just before the lava bursts through the windows.)

Wander: (in slow-motion) ...aaaaa fruuuuuit baaaaaskeeeehhhhht!

Wander: This is for my real friends. Tangelo?

Everyone: Whew!

Everyone: Whew!

(Cut to three Watchdogs back on the planet, playing poker.)

Watchdog 1: Please, he's a dope.

Watchdog 2: No, really, he's not an idiot. He totally knows what he's doing.

(The foursome fall out of Dominator's ship and back on the planet. The ship retracts its drill and zooms away. The foursome are huddled together in fear.)

Wander: Who...

Peepers: ...was...

Sylvia: ...that...

Hater: ...guy?!

(Cut back to the ship, soaring through space. Dominator bursts out of the hardened lava, unscathed.)

Dominator: (deep, mechanized voice) That... was... (The mask opens up, revealing the face of a mint-green-skinned, magenta-eyed, white-haired alien, who speaks in a feminine voice.) AMAZING!!

(Dominator's armor changes, showing her true form.)

Dominator: Ha ha ha! They were all like, (changes the fingers on her right glove into faces of Wander, Sylvia, Hater, and Peepers) "WHAAAT?! Who is this guy?" Ha! Then I was like, (makes a serious face) serious, then I was all (changes her left glove into a small-scale version of herself in armored form) RAAAAWWWWRR! (The gloves turn back to normal.) And then the lava was whoooosh! And they were all "AAAAH! NO WAAAY!" Ha ha ha ha! (inhales sharply) What a bunch of dorks! (changes back to her armored form) This is going to be... (The mask closes, disguising her voice again.) fun. (laughing maniacally as the screen fades to black)

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