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The Hero/Transcript

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(Opens on an empty area of space, save for a planet in the distance. A book titled "The Hero" comes out of the shadows and opens showing a picture of a castle on a planet in front of a starry sky)
Narrator: Ancient prophecy foretold, (The page turns showing a princess surrounded by animals) that the beloved Princess Demurra, would be kidnapped by King Draykor, (Page turns showing the princess getting kidnapped by a dragon king) the evil dragon king, who hungry for power, (Page turns showing a dark castle with a hedge maze in front of it) stole her away to his Labyrinth of Delusion! (Page turns showing a knight, looking quite regal and handsome, standing on a cliff and holding a sword) And now, only one hero can rescue her: Her one true love. (Page turns showing the knight having defeated the dragon king with the princess beside her) And once he saves her, they will live happily ever after, (Page turns showing the princess and knight kissing) and use their compatible features to produce (Zoom out, showing a myriad of citizens around the castle) many attractive offspring, who will also live happily ever after!
(Zoom out of the book, the narrator is behind it. He is the same knight from the story)
Narrator: And I, (Lowering book) Sir Brad Starlight, (Zoom out, showing him on a cliff holding a sword like in the story, the dark castle is in the distance) am...
(The title appears, freeze-frame)

Brad: Now, Draykor plans to wed Demurra at sundown. (Looks over at Wander and Sylvia) I beseech you kind travelers, will you help me save her so we may live happily ever after?
Wander: (Overexcited) Are you kidding?! Save a princess?! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAVE A PRINCESS!! (On Sylvia) LET'S GO SAVE A PRINCESS!
(Sylvia starts to rush off, but Brad stops her)
Brad: Who-o-oa, there, my furry fellow. (Picks him up) I like your enthusiasm, but remember, (Puts him down) I'm the hero here. (Shows a page in the book with various pictures of a boy bearing an uncanny resemblance to Wander) You're my goofy sidekick, (Close-up of the boy dancing) who trapes, (Pan to the boy taking a sponge bath) japes, (Pan to the boy staring with mouth open and drooling) gapes, and of course, (Pan to the boy playing a mandolin and singing) sings my theme song. (Zoom out, he turns the page showing a blue horse bearing an uncanny resemblance to Sylvia) And my noble steed, (Close-up of the horse) Who trudges, drudges, begrudges, (Lowers book, showing Sylvia with flies) and generally does all the heavy lifting.
Sylvia: (Pauses, gets a surprised look on her face) Who-o-oa, nuh-uh! I don't just let anybody hop in this saddle! (Brad jumps onto her back, she growls)
Wander: (Overexcited, less volume) Sylvia, come on! A princess is in danger!
Sylvia: (Pauses) Ugh, okay, fine. But only 'cause we're helpin' a sister out!
Brad: Hyah! Onward, noble steed! (Drags his feet on the ground to help Sylvia move)
Wander: Princess rescue! WHOO!!! (Skips away)

(Crossfade to a valley, panning slowly to the right showing the trio in the distance. Brad rides Sylvia, Wander walks behind them and sings)
(Song: The Tale of Brad Starlight)
(Whistling )
Wander: I sing the tale of Brad Starlight
A worthy, brave, and daring knight
He helped a crone to cross the street
Brad: Now more dangerous!
Wander: Though it was lava 'neath his feet
Brad: Put in that I fought a bear, so they know how strong I am.
(Close-up of Wander, strumming his banjo and marching)
Wander: He wrestled large and scary bears
Brad: And come on, old crone? Yuck! Make it a pretty lady!
Wander: All to help a maiden fair
Brad: Heh, yes, she totally wants to smooch me.
(Close-up of a very put out Sylvia, Brad brings her to a halt)
Wander: Then his sidekick, brave and true...
Brad: (Stops Wander) Whoa! Silence, silly sidekick. We're here.
(Overhead shot, we see a hedge maze with a dark castle in the distance, just like in the story)
Brad: The Labyrinth of Delusion!
(Cut to Wander running at top speed)
Wander: (Squeals) Don't worry, princess, we'll save yoooooouuuu!!! (Brad grabs him by the hat)
Brad: Uh, the prophecy says that the hero always leads the way? (Puts Wander down)
Wander: (Takes hat off) Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry, of course. (Behind shot) After you, Sir Starlight.
(All three enter the gate to the maze; Brad and Sylvia go left, Wander goes right. Brad and Sylvia look back at Wander)

(Cut to Wander strolling down a peaceful portion of the maze with a rainbow and gold castle in the distance)
Brad: (Offscreen) Ohhohohoho. You poor silly, stupid sidekick, (Wander turns around) that way is clearly a trap!
(Pan over to Brad and Sylvia surrounded by thorny vines and a flaming tree)
Brad: This is the correct path!
Sylvia: Are you flarpin' serious?!
Brad: (Pats her head) Easy, girl, I know the dangerous spooks, dumb beasts like you. (Takes her by the rein)
Sylvia: (Lowly) You have no idea what you're doing, do you?
Brad: (Ties Sylvia's rein around a branch of the flaming tree and waves a carrot) Whooooo, tasty carrot.
Sylvia: Ugh...Wander, keep an eye on this fool.
(Wander looks at Brad with one eye shut. Brad opens Sylvia's mouth and puts the carrot in it)
Brad: Hahahaha, that a girl. (Pats her head, runs off with Wander) Onward, sidekick! Oh, and try and fall in some pratfalls and silly catchphrases if you can, okay?
(While saying this, Sylvia eats her carrot and looks at the camera in disgust. Cut to the overview of the maze)
Wander: (From the maze) Copy that! Whoop-a-deedy-doo! (Tripping noise) Splat!

(Cut to a view of Brad from the neck down. Wander runs up, Brad stops him)
Brad: Careful, sidekick. (Zoom out showing a narrow pathway stretching across a poisonous water pit with stalagmites) Assaulted with traps most fearsome awaits us. (Crossing the pathway) A weakling like you cannot hope to withstand. (Close-up of Wander, part of his cape catches on fire, so he puts it out) Truly, it'll take one with big heroey muscles such as myself, to make it through this alive. (Reaches the other side)
(He cuts open a spiderweb, only to look down to see that Wander has already cut a hole of himself and got through it. He looks ahead, cut to Wander running down the hallway with various traps)
Wander: We're coming, princess!
(First, he dodges mines dropping from the ceiling. Then, he gets away just before a set of spears pop up. Then, he manages to hold on to the floor as it rotates revealing a set of spines underneath. He runs past a pair of swinging axes, and does a spinning jump over a lava pit. He lands, dodging a falling pillar from the ceiling, followed by a myriad of lasers. He dodges a bunch of pillars that stick out from the sides, and jumps over one of them. Front view as he lands and runs toward the camera until his face fills the screen. He exits, unharmed. Zoom in on a deadpan Brad, who blinks twice and shakes his head)
Brad: Ah. Clearly, this is just a warm-up challenge. Okay, here we go. (Holds sword high) Excelsior! (A mine swats his sword away)
(Zoom out as the mines begin shooting out of the walls at him. A door from the ceiling opens up, and a giant mine rolls out. Brad runs away, then jumps and clings on a swinging spike ball over a fire pit. It clings into another swinging ball, and Brad falls off. He gets smashed by two pressers)
Brad: Oof!
(A presser hits him from behind, camera follows a dazed Brad as he comes to a stop. The floor beneath him breaks away leaving him on one pillar. Axes swing between him)
Wander: (Offscreen) That's it, Sir Starlight!
(Point of view shot from Brad, zoom in on Wander at the end of the hallway, waving)
Wander: You're almost through! A-whoop-a-deedy-doo!
(Sylvia comes out, sipping from a cup. Cut back to Brad)
Brad: What?! I don't – how?!
(Cut to Wander and Sylvia)
Wander: Oh, Sylvia? She took the other path! Turns out it was quite pleasant! There was even a lemonade stand!
Sylvia: (Briefly stops sipping) Let's see ya get outta this one, 'champ'.
Wander: But don't worry, it's a pattern! So all ya gotta do is –
(Cut back to Brad, holding onto a narrow platform over a fire pit)
Brad: No, no! The hero does not (the platform spins him around) need a sidekick help! (Gets flung off)
(Near the ceiling a wall slides out of the side, and Brad hits it. He hits the ground, zoom out revealing various buzz saws and spears)
Brad: (Stands up) Now, clearly it's some sort of pattern.
(Zoom out, he begins to take off. Cut to Wander and Sylvia, we hear a slicing sound as they react in alarm)
Brad: (Offscreen) Oh! (Banging noise, slicing noises) Ow! Sharp, sharp, sharp, sharp! (Explosions, growling) Nice griffin. (Chomping noise) Ow! (Shooting noises)
(Brad crawls into the scene, burnt and beat up. The griffin roars, reaches its claws into view and grabs his cape)
Brad: Ah! The griffin has my cape! (Wander and Sylvia grab him) The griffin has my cape!
(There is a rip, all three get flung back. Cut to them in a heap, there is a pause as Brad looks up at Wander, then stands up and flungs them away. His cape has been ripped off)
Brad: GET OFF!!! (Realizing) My sword! (At Wander) Your sidekick tomfoolery has cost me my sword! (Holds up the book showing a picture of his sword) The prophecy specifically states the hero has a mighty sword!
Wander: (Offscreen) Is this mighty enough?

(Pan to the right showing Wander looking at a sparkling sword in a rocky formation under a heavenly light. An angelic chorus is heard, close-up of the sword)
Brad: (Offscreen, gasps) The Sword of Destiny! (Walks up to it) Forged in the fires of a collapsing star, the Andromeda lords themselves crafted it, so that only the most noble, the most daring, (Walking up the stairs) the most truly righteous hero could – (Wander takes the sword out of the rock and holds it before him) Wha? (Breaking down) BUT THE HERO IS SUPPOSED TO – ! Uh, putitbackputitbackputitback!
Wander: Huh, sorry. (Puts the sword back) Don't know my own strength.
Brad: (Pushes Wander away) Ugh, come on! It's like you haven't even read the prophecy!
(He readies his fingers and grips the sword's hilt. He struggles to pull the sword out, then stops and takes a breath. He breathes and attempts again, but stops. Another attempt, he pulls on the hilt from both sides and pulls on the guards as well. He kicks the right guard in frustration, then pulls on the guards with his inner arms this time. He stops to take a breath, and walks off muttering. Then he yells and jumps down from the ceiling and grabs the hilt in his teeth, and pulls. He pulls on the hilt again with his arms behind his back, then pushes on the guards with his feet. Sylvia peeks in, sipping her cup)
Sylvia: Ain't happenin', pretty boy. (Goes away)
(Brad continues pushing the guards with his feet, Wander comes by and inhales, but before he can speak, Brad pushes him away)
Brad: Don't!
(A pause, he spits on both hands and rubs them together. He grips the hilt, stands on the rock, cracks his neck either side, and the camera zooms in on his face as he grunts and pulls. Zoom out, the hilt breaks off the sword and he falls backward. The heavenly light goes out, Wander and Sylvia share glances of shock. They walk up to the broken sword in the rock and look behind it at Brad, who stands up and holds the hilt half. Brief shot of his perspective as Wander and Sylvia stare at each other in confusion. Back to Brad, he looks at the broken hilt. Pause)
Brad: It's better this way! (Jumps onto Sylvia) Now come on, stop dilly-dallying, we're gonna be late.
Sylvia: (Trudges off, grunts) Helpin' a sister out. Helpin' a sister out.
(Wander just stands there, staring)

(Crossfade to the overview of the maze, the trio finally make their way out. Pan slowly upwards to King Draykor's dark castle. Close-up of the lock on the door, zooming out)
Brad: The day's end may be nigh, Princess Demurra. (Close-up of him, Sylvia dashes away) But fear not, no barrier can keep my love from you. I shall smash the – (Pauses) Oh, come on, are you serious?!
(Shows Wander having already opened the door)
Wander: It was unlocked.
Brad: I don't care! I need to make a dramatic entrance! Close it! (Wander does, he barges open the door) Ha ha! No door is strong enough to keep me from you, my love!
(Pull back showing King Draykor's hog guards. They snort and growl, Brad shrieks, Wander comes up in front of him)
Wander: FOR THE PRINCEEEEEEEESS!!!
(He rushes in, Sylvia follows him. We hear the sound of fighting)
Brad: Wait! Just a – come on, this is my—I wanted to – (Overhead shot of him, zooming out and rotating slightly) STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!
(Freeze-frame shot of Sylvia attacking the hogs. Same for Wander, suddenly kissing one of them and kicking a pie in another's face. Back to Brad, facepalming)
Brad: All I wanna do, is save my one true love, and have everyone know how great a hero I am. (Shows a page in the book depicting him being victorious) Just like the prophecy says! (Breaking down) And you're ruining it, you're ruining it, you're ruining it!! Why can't you get it!!?? (Pointing at Wander) Sidekick! (Pointing at Sylvia) Steed! (Pointing at himself) Hero!
(Various swords point at him from all sides)
One of the hogs: Prisoner.

(Cut to a statue of a griffin as we hear the theme to Dracula. It steams; tilt downwards to reveal the dragon king Draykor – the same dragon from the story – playing the song on a giant pipe organ. Two hogs bring forth Brad, Wander and Sylvia, necks clad in handcuffs. Close-up of Draykor as he turns around and roars)
Draykor: So, these are the heroes who come to steal my bride? Well, you're too late, Sir Starlight! (Walks over to a window and gestures to the sunset) Soon, the sun will set, (Looks at Brad) and Princess Demurra will be –
Off-Screen Voice: (Gasps) Beloved!
(Quick pan to the top of a staircase; fantasy music plays as the princess from the story, Demurra, stands outside the doorway to her dungeon as pink light shines behind her. Some of her animal friends come out as she looks down at the action. Cut to Wander watching warmly as the pink light shines off his face)
Wander: (Romantically) She's beautiful.
(Zoom out to frame Sylvia shading her eyes)
Sylvia: And pink. Uuugh!
Brad: Demurra! It is I, Brad Starlight!
Draykor: SILENCE, CUR!!!
(Zoom out showing Princess Demurra, now at the bottom of the staircase. She holds his ears gently)
Demurra: Shhshhshhshhshh. (He purrs) It's alright. There's no need to shout, beloved, it's fine.
Draykor: I'm so sorry, honey. You know I... (Sniffs) I just...want this day to be perfect for you. You know? (Purrs)
Demurra: Oh, and it will be, Drake. (Nuzzles him) As long as we're together.
Draykor: Ohhhh...you're pooky.
(Cut to Wander and Sylvia looking on in confusion. They blink twice; Demurra breaks up her moment to talk to Brad)
Demurra: (Harshly) Seriously, Bradley?! This again?! (To Wander and Sylvia) I'm sorry, did he drag you two on some crazy...rescue mission?
(They nod, she double claps and a hog guard breaks them free. Another punches Brad free)
Brad: It's not a crazy mission! (Shows a picture in the book showing he and Demurra in love) The prophecy foretold!
Demurra: "Prophecy"? You mean like, your diary from when we were what, fifteen?! (Brad puts the book down, she sighs and walks up to him) Look, Brad. I know this is hard. But, things don't always work out the way you want. Life isn't a fairy tale. (Some of her animal friends surround them, she elbows him) Come on, we can just be friends, right?
(A pause, zoom in on Brad, he smiles warmly. Then...)
Brad: NO!
(He punches one of the hogs away, puts his arm around Demurra and waves the broken sword, then leaps up to a chandelier and swings on it, he lands on a railing)
Brad: The princess will be mine! The prophecy will be fulfilled! (Laughs and jumps out the window)

Draykor: Demurra, my love! Uh...we gotta save her! (At Wander and Sylvia) YOU! What should we do? (Wander looks around, then points to himself) Yes, you! Only one brave enough to conquer the insane Labyrinth we set up to stop Bradley is heroic enough to help save Demurra, right?
Wander: (Stares with mouth open) I've always wanted to save a princess!! (Jumps over to the pipe organ) Okay, guys! New bad guy, new plan! We are going to need everybody's individual talents to pull this off!
Crowd: Yeah!
Wander: We're all gonna have to work together! As a team!
Crowd: Yeah!
Wander: Today...we're ALL gonna be heroes!
Crowd: Yeah!

(Cut to outside the room, the doors open, and everyone rushes out)
Wander: We're all collectively coming to save you, princess!
(They screech to a halt, cut to a close-up of Demurra)
Demurra: Guys, it's fine. I handled it myself. (Widen to reveal her with one foot on Brad, tied up. She pats her hands) Like I said, this isn't a fairy tale.
(Pause)
Wander: WHOO!!!
Crowd: Yeah!
Draykor: Aww...that's why I love her.

(Crossfade to a close-up of a wedding bell ringing, followed by the hogs sitting in pews in the room. Felix Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" plays as Draykor and Demurra come into the scene and kiss. Show them in front of the pipe organ, decorated with assorted paper flowers and hearts. Wander comes up in the foreground)
Wander: And they lived happily ever after!
(Cut to Demurra and Draykor, the former now holding a bouquet of tulips)
Demurra: Well, that's the plan, but real relationships take a lot of work.
Draykor: However, if we listen, communicate, and are sensitive to each other's needs –
(Wander comes out of the tulips and pushes Demurra and Draykor away)
Wander: Happily ever after!! (Gets close to the camera) We kinda sorta saved a princess! WHOO!!!
(The hog crowd cheers, zoom out of the isle to just inside the entrance door as streamers fall from the ceiling. The scene changes to an illustration of the same scene in Brad's book from earlier, and the scene zooms out as the book from the beginning of the episode closes up. Snap to black)

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