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S1e9b Wander looking around the arena Oh, come on, Sylvia. The party's not that bad. Although it is poorly decorated. And not very well attended.


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[The little girl looks into a basket when the door opens up and Melodie (the girl's big sister), Jamie and Hank (the two-headed, four-legged alien kid), and David (the bush-like alien kid) enter.] 

Melodie: Angela, Mom and Dad are gonna be worried sick. What was so important that you ran off in the middle of an evacuation?! [Angela pulls out a doll resembling Sylvia and shows it to Melodie as lullaby music plays.] Aw, sweetie. 

Jamie (taller head): It's all right, Melodie. I can get us back to the escape ship. I'll just jump out and be all like, "Hey, Robodorks! I'm gonna rewire your hardware!" Bam! Pow! 

Hank (shorter head): That's crazy! We should lie low and wait for this to blow over. 

David: Maybe we could just, um, ask the robots to not be so mean? 

Jamie: I'm really liking my "Hey, Robodorks" plan. 

Melodie: Well, whatever we do, we have to do it fast or we'll miss our-- [The escape ships takes off and Melodie looks out the window, watching it soar.] ...escape ship. 

[David and Angela begin to freak out] 

Jamie: I'll scramble their circuits! 

Hank: No! I'm too young for half of me to die! 

Melodie: Jamie! David! Hank! It'll be okay. The Hero of legend will save us. 

David: Of course!  

Jamie: Duh!  

Hank: The Hero will totally stop Dominator!  

Melodie: What's the matter? You've never heard the legend of the Hero?  

Hank: He's a hundred feet tall! 

Jamie: I heard he ate a supernova on a dare! 

David: He fights for what's right! 

Melodie: He's-- 

[Wander and Sylvia crash through the wall. Freeze frame, title card. The tumble on the ground and Wander flies off Sylvia, hitting the furniture. Wander's hat is on fire.] 

Wander: Oh no! Stop hat and roll! 

Sylvia: What are you kids still doing here?! Dominator's gonna crack this planet in half any second now!  

[Wander babbles as he rolls around the room.] 

Melodie: Don't worry, Ma'am. 

Sylvia: "Ma'am"? 

David: The Hero's gonna arrive to save us! He can handle anything. 

Wander: [babbling] 

Sylvia: Well, until that guy shows up [picks up Wander and blows out the fire] maybe we get you to your folks. 

[heavy crash] 

Wander: Boy, we sure are lucky we found you kids. 

Hank: Aw, we woulda been fine, mister. The Hero woulda saved us! 

Wander: Oooh! Which hero? [morphing into the following heroes he mentions] Prince Cashmere? Stella Starbella? Sir Bradley Starlight? 

Hank: Naw, not those jokers. The Hero. [Open to a shot of Planet Binglebop, crudely drawn on lined paper. Cut to a shot of Binglebopolopolis. Music and sound effects are imitated in an amateurish manner throughout.] He's a mythical furry creature. I heard he took out Lord Hater himself! 

Wander: Oh really? 

[The Skullship lands hard on the ground and lightning strikes. Cut to Lord Hater, holding King Bingleborp in his left hand and planting a flag into the ground with his right hand.] 

Hank: (imitating Lord Hater) [screaming] I hereby conquer this planet in the name of Lord Hater! The greatest in the galaxy! [imitates lightning] Waaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha! 

[A man's voice hums dramatically as a shadow overcasts Hater. The shadow is that of a big, tall hairy creature wearing shoes and socks. The creature picks up Hater and hugs Hater very tightly.] 

Wander: Aw is he givin' him a lovin' friendship hug? 

Hank: Nah. He's squeezing the life out of him! [Hank imitates Hater screaming as a the voice is heard humming Chopin's funeral march. Hater falls to the ground as a pile of bones.] 

[Cut back to reality. Wander's and Sylvia's eyes are open in shock.] 

Wander: Oh. O-kay. 

[Angela's stomach grumbles and Angela giggles in embarrassment.] 

[Cut to Bloyd's Diner. Wander is cutting the pancakes.] 

Jamie: Don't listen to Hank. He's got the Hero all wrong. [Wander smiles as he cut the pancakes more rapidly in agreement.] He's super cool n' edgy. He won't just save the planet, he'll make Dominator look like a dork too! [Wander looks annoyed as he slowly moves the knife back and forth, making a scraping sound on the plate.] Plus he was around way before Hater. I heard he took down Major Threat! 

[Open to a stylized shot of Major Threat's ship sitting close to a sun-like star.] 

Major Threat: The Million Year Darkness is nigh! Once I've blotted out the sun, a reign of fear and-- 

[Major Threat stops as electric guitar music starts playing. He places his hand above his eyes and squints. He sees a radically stylized Wander, wearing shades, a turned baseball cap with a star on it, fingerless gloves, and pumped up shoes, and riding an electric guitar like a hoverboard, coming his way.] 

[The radical Wander cackles and belches loudly.] 

Major Threat: Oh no. 

[Radical Wander crashes through the windshield, causing an explosion.] 

Radical Wander: Aw, sorry, Major Threat. [à la Steve Urkel] Did I do dat?! Major bummer! [points to his bottom and passes gas] 

Jamie: Did I mention he's super witty and hilarious? 

[Wander and Sylvia stare with open mouths in disbelief. They glance at each other.] 

Radical Wander: [to the tune of If You Wander Over Yonder] When you're a stupid dummy! And you got a stupid face! [pulls on Threat's beard and releases it, smacking him] 

Major Threat: Agghh! Oh yeah!? Well, how would you like this?! 

[Threat attempts to shoot Wander with beams from his forehead. Wander does some crazy dance moves to dodge the beams. Threat gets worn out from the constant shooting.] 

Radical Wander: [laughs] Oh yeah? Well, how would you like... [pulls out bottles of mustard and mayo and squirts them at Threat] ...mustard or mayo?! Mustard or mayo?! Mustard or mayo?! Mustard or mayo?! Mustard or mayo?! Mustard or mayo?! 

Major Threat: Please stop! You are so totally-- 

Radical Wander: Radical?! Beedle deedle dee! 

Major Threat: Annoying! 

[Wander gives Major Threat a wedgie, causing him to scream. Wander kicks Threat in the booty, launching him to hit the control panel. Wander slips into view on his hovering guitar and passes gas in Threat's presence. As this goes on for a few seconds, the camera cuts to Wander and Sylvia, both their mouths agape, the noise still audible. The camera cuts back to Jamie's story, where Wander's still passing gas. Cut to a wide open shot of Threat's ship. An explosion occurs and Wander zooms away.] 

Radical Wander: Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit! 

[Cut back to reality. Wander, Sylvia, and the kids are orbbling back in space. 

Jamie: [laughs] 

Wander: [flabergasted] But I-I-I don't... Sylvia, I would never I-I-I-- 

Sylvia: I know, buddy. Some kids are just really intense. 

Hank: No way, Jamie! He's a monster. 

Jamie: He's an outlaw! 

Hank: Monster! 

Jamie: Outlaw! 

Hank: Monster! 

Jamie: Outlaw! 

David: Please! Stop! The Hero isn't mean. He's kind and curious. [Wander and Sylvia smile in relief. Cut to a black and white shot of the town of the Bobbles. An anime kid resembling some resemblance to Wander walks around taking pictures.] He's kinda like a little kid. 

Anime Kid Wander: What a neat town this is. I'll have to remember to take lots of neat pictures to remember this neat town by. 

[loud crash] [screaming] 

Anime Kid Wander: Wha? 

[A giant, monstrous, dragon-like robot comes into view with Emperor Awesome standing on its head. The dragon robot roars and breathes fire.] 

David: And he doesn't travel alone. He's got a big, strong friend that protects him from bad stuff like galactic dictators. 

Sylvia: 'Bout time. 

David: What? 

Sylvia: What? Nothing. 

Anime Kid Wander: Oh no! There shouldn't be a monster here. I'm going to need help to stop it. [presses the star on his cap] Come in Silver 7. I need you! 

[rocket blasts off] [music]  

Singer: Silver 7! Silver 7! Ultra robot fighting force! Silver 7! Silver 7! Super-mechanized wonder horse! Your monster-smashing friend! Until the end! Silver 7! Silver 7!  

Anime Kid Wander: Silver 7, activate Protocol... Duchess! I love you Silver 7! 

Singer: Silver 7! Silver 7! 

[Cut back to reality. Wander, Sylvia, and the kids are now at a campfire.] 

David: Your monster-smashing friend! Until the end! Silver 7! Silver 7! 

Sylvia: Oh...kay. Well, according to my calculations, your planet's escape ship should be passing by in the morning, so unless anybody else has any non-robot horse theories, maybe we should all get a little rest. 

Melodie: "Theories"? Please. That was cute for fan fiction, but it's hardly canon. The Hero isn't like that. 

Jamie: Oh, yeah? How do you know? 

Melodie: Because I know where he comes from. 

David: You do?  

Jamie: You do? 

Hank: You do? 

Sylvia: You do? 

Melodie: Oh, yes. His true origins are dark and complex, with lots of twists and feels. So many feels. 

[Open to a shot of outer space, drawn in folksy art style.] 

Melodie: At the dawn of time, there was a race of Star Nomads who traveled the galaxy spreading light and joy. But the youngest and most innocent Nomad wandered off, and his uncontrollable curiosity accidentally released an ancient evil... that corrupted his father, turning him into a creature of pure hate! Shocking twist! Racked with guilt, the Hero travels the galaxy, trying to undo the mistakes of his past, while also trying to find his long-lost sister who has sworn revenge against him! Double twist! To survive, he'll have to unlock his inner strength, compassion, courage, and the power of the wolf! [growling] This horrible curse- 

Hank: Wait, I thought it was inner strength. 

Melodie: Inner strength can be a curse! [howling] It can only be lifted by his true love: a secret winged princess. 

Hank: Aww, come on! 

Jamie: Are you kidding? 

Melodie: Silence! This is only part one of a three part trilogy! Sooo.... 

[Time passes by.] 

Melodie: ...so you see, Emperor Awesome's his half-brother and the Evil Sandwich is his cousin and-- 

Hank: But he still crushes villains, right?! 

Jamie: Dudes' gotta have a guitar! 

David: What about Silver 7, his friend to the end! 

[loud stomping] [dramatic music] [electronic scanning noise]  

Jamie: This is not happening. 

Hank: We're doomed! 

Jamie: This is not happening. 

Hank: We're dead! 

Melodie: What are we gonna do? The Hero's not here yet! 

[Wander and Sylvia notice an escape ship soaring through the sky.] 

Wander: The escape ship! 

Sylvia: How can we get the kids up there with Bots focused on the ship? 

Wander: Easy. They'll be focused on us! Hey, fellas, perhaps you would like a warm, distracting hug!? Sylvia, activate protocol Orbit Away! 

- Thanks! - Thanks, ma'am. - Thank you. 

Melodie: And don't worry! When we find him, we'll send the Hero back to help you! 

[] 

Sylvia: Hey, why didn't you set those kids straight and tell them the truth? 

Wander: Aw, Syl, it doesn't matter if the stories are true or not. All that matters is that they give them hope. [Wander tips his hat and winks at Angela.] Now ride, Silver 7, ride! 

[Wander laughs as the two dash off into the horizon. Angela gasps, hugs the Sylvia doll contentedly, and runs into the escape ship, which immediately takes off into the sky.] 

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