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The Pet/Transcript

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Part 1

(Scene opens up showing a ship that looks like a fish. Wander and Sylvia are looking at it from their orbble transporter bubble. Close up on them, pause)
Wander: Shoooould we go in?
(Another pause, zoom out to show a part of the ship)
Sylvia: I-I'm not scared, if that's what you're implying.
Wander: Good! 'Cause I'm just worried maybe somebody's in there and needs...help.
Sylvia: Oh. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it looks pretty empty to me, and uh...also looks totally structurally unsound, sooooo...yeah I don't think we should –
(She stops. Camera zooms out revealing Wander is not there. She looks around, before noticing something else. Cut to show from behind, Wander is seen running towards the ship in another orbble)
Sylvia: (sighs) I got a bad feeling about this.

(Cut to the ship's entrance inside. It opens, revealing Wander, and Sylvia joins him. They walk together and explore the ship for several seconds. In the last room they pass, a drop of yellow toxic liquid drops on a handle to something, melting part of it. The episode's title appears on the wall in said toxic, freeze-frame.)

(Cut to Wander and Sylvia as they enter some sort of room)
Wander: (singsong) Hel-loooooo? Anybody ready for a rescue par-tay? Woohoo!
Sylvia: Shh.
Wander Huh. If ya ask me, these folks already had a par-tay. This place is a mess! (picks up a pole striking through a space helmet in toxic and sticks tongue out, disgusted)
Sylvia: (walking by) Just stay close. Got it?
Wander: Absolutely. (tosses pole away and walks with her) I'm right behind you.
(Just as he was about to exit the hall with her, a drop of toxic drops on the floor, melting part of it. He stops, and looks over the hole in the floor to check it out. Another drop of toxic falls, he turns to see it)

(Cut to Sylvia, she enters the ship's cockpit. Point of view shot from Sylvia, everything is broken and chewed. There is a bit of toxic on the chair, it drips. She then looks at a control module and some pipes on the ceiling, there is toxic everywhere)
Sylvia: Yeesh. If these walls could talk.
(Just as she was about to leave, a light comes on. She looks back and sees the ship's computer screen coming on. She walks over to investigate. On the screen, an alien astronaut captain is reporting)
Alien: Captain's Log, Day 445: This is Captain Tim. Despite my exceedingly heroic efforts to control the sitch, things are rapidly deteriorating.
(Sylvia reacts in worry)

(Cut back to Wander. From the ceiling, more toxic drips onto the floor in a circle. Wander turns to look each time a drop falls)

(Cut back to the cockpit)
Captain Tim: I'm not sure how much longer my impressive strength can kill the monster at bay!
(Sylvia is worried more. She looks back at the exit)

(Cut back to Wander, still watching the toxic as it drops)

(Cut back to the cockpit)
Captain Tim: Huh, if you're watching this now, (Extreme close up of Sylvia's eyes, sweat streams down across her head) ignore my dashing good looks. (Cut back to him) And heed this warning –
(He screams, something comes out of nowhere and plows on him. The screen goes to static as he gets attacked and is heard screaming. The screen turns off)

(Cut back to Wander, one last drop of toxic falls. There is a clanking sound, and after a few seconds, Wander falls through the floor. Sylvia zips out of the cockpit and runs through the hall)
Sylvia: Wander, we gotta get outta here! There's no one here to help! (Stops, looks around, and sees the hole in the floor. She looks through) WANDER! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!! (echos)
(Camera pans back to show the hole made by the acid, no answer. She hears a clanking sound)
Sylvia: Wander? Is that you, buddy?
(Cut to the vents, Sylvia can be seen. We hear growling. Sylvia looks up and hears this. Point of view shot from Sylvia as the camera pans down the pipes. A drop of toxic hits the floor, and there is a screech. Sylvia starts running in fear as pipes drop. She gets cornered to the end of the hall, cut to the pipes, we see a shadow of some sort of alien that looks like a spider. It spits toxic, Sylvia gasps and ducks, zoom out as the toxic made a hole in the wall. Sylvia tries to leave, but one of the alien's legs grabs her rein and drags her down the hall, causing her to hit things)
Sylvia: (grunting) AHH! Uh – I knew we shouldn't have never come in here! (grunts as she hits more things)
(Sylvia grabs a pipe with her tail, and after a few seconds, she is released from the alien's grasp. She lands in a pile of boxes, in front of her stands some sort of gun. She grabs it and screams as it fires lasers. They miss the alien and when it runs out, she throws it at the alien, and it retreats)
Sylvia: (panting) YEAH?! YOU'D BETTER RUN, YOU – SSSS – SPIDER...ALIEN THING! (pants, sweats, pauses) Wander! DON'T WORRY, WANDER! I'M COMIN' FOR YA, BUDDY! But first... (looks at a wall of weapons, particularly those that were Captain Tim's) I'm gonna need a bigger blaster.
(She dresses up in Captain Tim's likeness and gets ready with a gun)

(Cut to Wander strolling through another area of the ship)
Wander: (Whistles)
(In one of the rooms, it is pitch black, only the light from three windows can be seen. The lights come on briefly due to a shortage, revealing piles of skulls and bones. The alien walks by, Wander stops)
Wander: Hellooooo? Anybody in here?
(Cut to behind Wander, the alien runs past. Wander turns around)
Wander: (looks in another room) Rescue par-tay's here?
(He walks to another door and hears a bang, he goes up the ladder)
Wander: Woo woo?
(Point of view shot from the alien, we see everything in a color spectrum. Wander's voice sounds warbled)
Wander: Hello? I'm here to rescue you!
(Cut to Wander, he turns around)
Wander: Hello?
(Cut to Wander's perspective, looking into the dark hallway)
Wander: Sylvia?
(Cut back to Wander, the alien is sneaking up behind him in the background)
Wander: That you? You know, I'm beginning to think you were right. Nobody's on this – (hears growling) Ship.
(Wander turns around and notices the alien. Close up on it, it is furry, has big lips and razor sharp teeth. It roars, cut to black)

Part 2

(Fade up on Wander)
Wander: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
(The alien plows into Wander and they roll, but they abruptly stop as Wander holds the alien)
Wander: I KNEW there was someone on this ship who needed help! (hugs it) Though I didn't know they'd be SO CUTE!!! (pets it) Oh, wittle guy, you must have been so scared all alone in this big old scawy, scawy ship!
(The alien roars, plows him to the ground and roars some more)
Wander: Hawhaw, I'm happy I found you, too, buddy! (close up of the alien) Oh-ho, look at you! (he tugs on its lips) You're all full of beans! (flops him to the ground) Who's ridin' the bike? Who's ridin' the bike? You are, you are, you are!
(the alien gets off him and roars)
Wander: Ooh, you wanna play, huh? (runs around it in a circle) Bet'cha can't catch me! (runs off) Ha ha ha! Waaaaaaaaaa!
(pause, the alien starts going after him)

(Cut to another room, Wander runs around some sort of machine three times and the alien chases him. He hides in the machine, leaving the alien running)
Wander: I'm hiding, now! (goes up the glass tube) Bet'cho can't find me!
(The alien stops and growls, confused. It looks on the ceiling, then by a pack of bones. Sylvia enters, the alien lands near her, she screams and fires her laser gun everywhere. It fights back by spitting toxic on it, melting it)
Sylvia: Oh, fropp!
(The alien plows into her, wraps her in a cocoon and sticks her to the ceiling)
Sylvia: Ow-w! Oh-h! Okay, this is gross!
(The alien sticks out its tongue and licks Sylvia's cheek with saliva)
Wander: (offscreen) You still haven't found me!
(The alien zips off)
Sylvia: Oh no, Wander! Stop! Come back! My face is way tastier than his, I promise!

(Cut to the alien searching through a room with pipes and vents. One vent blasts it with steam. We hear Wander as it pulls on a pipe)
Wander: (offscreen) Heeheehee! Nope, not there!
(Cut to the alien's POV, we see a rod with a vent cap on it. Believing it to be Wander, it roars and jumps on it, and spits toxic all over it)
Wander: (offscreen) Nope! Not there, either!
(The alien looks forward, point of view shot from it, we see a vent)
Wander: (from vent, mockingly) You can't find me! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
(The alien's color spectrum vision activates, we see Wander in the vent. Cut to inside it, Wander is giggling. Suddenly, the alien opens the vent cap and finds him. Cut to outside, the alien roars, then goes into the vent and attacks Wander while he screams. The alien soon flies out, and Wander comes out with it)
Wander: You caught me, you sneaky boy!
(The alien bites Wander's hand)
Wander: (angry) No! (knocks it away) Bad!
(He sees something in his hand the alien spat out. Zoom in as he brings the item into view, it is a dog tag necklace that reads "Capt. Tim". This is Captain Tim's ID tag chain)
Wander: "Captain Tim"? (pause) So, that's your name! (At the alien, named "Captain Tim") Who's a good boy? You are, Captain Tim! Come on, give us a hug!
(Captain Tim spits toxic through Wander's hat, splitting it in half)
Wander: (angry) Bad Captain Tim! BAD! (lovingly) Oh, I forgive you, Captain Tim. It's not your fault you weren't properly trained, but, we'll start taking care of that right now! (reaches into his hat and puts a pink studded collar around Captain Tim, and holds its leash)
(Captain Tim growls, then starts to run around)
Wander: Sit. Sit. Sit. (Captain Tim gets tangled up in the leash) There we go! Good boy! (Captain Tim drags him away)

(Cut back to Sylvia, she manages to break free of the cocoon and lands in some toxic, melting it)
Sylvia: (shakes toxic off) Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck! YUCK! Oh, I need a shower! No, no, I need to save Wander! (looks at several boxes of weapons) But first, I'm gonna need an even bigger blaster.
(She dresses up more and gets ready with more weapons, then runs off yelling, dropping some bullets and bombs in the process)

(Cut to Wander holding onto Captain Tim's leash and being dragged)
Wander: Yeah-ha-ha! (hits ground) Oh-ho! (hits ground again) Oof! Heel, Captain Tim! (hits ground again) Heel! (Captain Tim throws him) Whoa!
(He lands in a closet with several pots and pans)
Wander: The kitchen? Ohh, is the wittle captain hungwy? I bet you are! Yes, you are! Yes, you are, you wittle hungwy mungwy!
(Captian Tim growls and spits toxic)
Wander: Now, where do they hide the grub around here? (ducks down just as some plasma hits the fridge behind him, melting it, he sees a can of food) Perfect! (looks at the jar) Ooh, beans! Now, you really will be full of 'em! Hmm, need a can opener. (ducks down just as Captain Tim swipes the can, cutting it in half, pauses) Why, aren't you just a helpy helperson today?
(He dumps the beans into a plate and pushes it towards Captain Tim)
Wander: Dinner is served, o captain, my captain!
(Captain Tim hisses and runs away, and Wander chases him)
Wander: Come on, buddy, eat up! They're good for you!
(Wander plows into Captain Tim and they wrestle for a few moments, before Wander holds Captain Tim still)
Wander: ("flies" the spoon around) Here comes the galactic star cruiser, filled with a payload of destructive laser beams! (thrusts the spoon towards Captain Tim) Pew, pew, pew! (Captain Tim knocks the plate away and runs off) Ooh, he made the maneuver, ahhhhh! (pulls him back and they spin around) Kadooosh!
(Captain Tim's mouth is now full of beans. He swallows, coughs and falls over, then limps and tries to stand up. He faints)
Wander: Oh, hohohoho. Poor guy, looks like somebody's ready for a nap!
(He reaches into his hat and presents a light brown teddy bear. It jingles as he moves it)
Wander: Look who came to visit you, it's Sleepy Weepy Beddy Bear! (baby voice) I love you, Captain Tim! I...love...you! (smooches)
(Captain Tim roars, grabs Sleepy Weepy Beddy Bear and attacks it, then throws it to the ground, rips its belly open, spits some toxic into it and wraps it in a cocoon, then sticks it to the ceiling. Pause, Wander is surprised)
Wander: What a neat trick, Captain Tim! Can you do any others? I bet you can't, I bet you can't!
(Captain Tim lunges for Wander, he draws his hand away as Captain Tim tries to bite him)
Wander: Aww, a love bite? (Captain Tim runs away) Come back here, I have one for you!
(Wander runs after him)
Wander: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!

(Sylvia sticks a flashlight through one of the vents and peeks out)
Sylvia: Wander, can you hear me?
(The vent falls to the ground. A drop of toxic hits her nose, she looks up and shines her flashlight, noticing the cocoon that Sleepy Weepy Beddy Bear is in. Sylvia gasps, takes the cocoon from the ceiling and rips it open. Some of Sleepy Weepy Beddy Bear's stuffing comes out)
Sylvia: No. (drops it) No! Wander... (to the sky) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (lies down and scoops up the toxic) IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME!!! (spins around on the floor running) WHYYYYYYYY?!?!? (sobs) Wander...I may have failed you, but as long as I live and breathe, I WILL AVENGE YOU.

(She stomps into the cockpit and turns on the screen)
Sylvia: (Manly voice) Computer, this is Captain Tim.
Computer: Greetings, Captain Tim. Will you be requiring more complements on your handsomeness today?
Sylvia: I'm not here for complements! I'm here to rid the universe of murdering, monster scum! Activate self-destruct sequence!
Computer: Are you sure? This is totally for reals. No takesies backsies!
Sylvia: Yes, I'm sure! (sadly) Totally sure.
Computer: Okay, cool. Self-destruct... (evil voice) CONFIRMNED!
(The lights change to a dull olive color and timers appear on the screens all over the cockpit. They begin a countdown from 5:00, and a buzzer sounds. Sylvia leaves)

(Sylvia rushes down the hallway for several seconds, then jumps into an escape pod)
Sylvia: Goodbye, Wander.
(Just as the escape pod blasts away, Captain Tim crawls by with Wander chasing him)
Wander: Heel, Captain Tim, heel! Heel!

(Scene cuts to an overview of the ship as Sylvia's escape pod blasts away)
Wander: (from inside) Gotcha!
(Captain Tim growls)
Wander: (from inside) Good heel! Now, who wants kissies? Who wants kissies? (Captain Tim bites him) Ah! You do! (Captain Tim bites him again) Ah! You do! (Captain Tim bites him again) Ah! Ow! (Captain Tim bites him again, he giggles) Ow! (Captain Tim bites him again he giggles) Ow!

Part 3

(Fade up inside the ship, the timer says 2:59. Wander is leaning near a pole with his back turned and his hands covering his face)
Electronic Voice: This ship will self-destruct in three minutes, 2:59, 58, 57...
(Close up on Wander, zooming in with each number)
Wander: 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
(Wander turns around and lifts his hands, eyes flicking back and forth. He pauses, then a drop of toxic falls from the ceiling. He looks up)
Wander: Oh, come on, Captain Tim! (zoom out to reveal Captain Tim on a furnace pipe) I know you can hide better than that. (Captain Tim runs off, he runs after him) Haha, Where are you going now, you silly goose?

(Song: My Best Buddy)
My best buddy's name is Captain Tim
There's no one in the universe quite like him

He's a quick and snappy happy little guy
I love him just so much, I think I might just die

Yeah, he's my best bud
All covered in blood
Dah-doo-dah-doo-doo
All covered in blood

(Cut to Sylvia in the escape pod)
Sylvia: (sobs) Ma-ha...My-y be-e-e-est buddy... (sobs more, sniffs) oh, what am I gonna... (sobs more) What am I gonna do without...hi-i-i-im? (sobs more, pauses) I'm just gonna have to figure out how to move on! Wander would've wanted it that way. (sighs) He'd say, (imitates Wander) "It's always sunny somewhere, Sylvia, o' girl! So, keep your eye on the horizon and don't look back. Never look back!" (pauses, glances toward the window and looks out) Wander?
(Cut to Sylvia's perspective, zooming in on one of the ship's windows. She sees Wander in it)
Sylvia: Wander!
(Captain Tim sneaks up on Wander and plows him to the ground)
Sylvia: WANDER!!! Oh–I can't– (sputters) How do I get out of this flarpin' thing?! (sees the escape pod's escape pod, looks stern)
(Cut to outside the escape pod, its escape pod detaches with Sylvia in it)
Sylvia: I'M COMIN', WANDER!

Oh, I'm really crazy 'bout my best chum
We'll always be together, whatever may come

No river wide, ocean deep, or mountain high
Can keep apart a pair of pals like you and I

Through thick and thin, side by side
We're unified and undivided, true and tried

You're my best friend
To the living end
 Dah-doo-dah-doo-doo 
 Zoo-doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-boo 

(During above, she flies through space, inhales and leaves the escape pod. She jumps on the debris and breaks one of the ship's windows, letting some air out. She gets inside and ducks, and some debris blocks the window. She runs off panting, the clocks say 1:13. She reaches the cockpit)
Sylvia: Computer, quick! Deactivate self-destruct sequence!
Computer: Oh, my digits. Did you not hear me say "No takesies backsies"?
Sylvia: Yeah, I know, but – (notices the timer saying :58) WHOA! Okay, no problem. There's still time to save Wander, but first...I'm gonna need an even biggerer blaster. (glances toward a robot power suit in the utility closet and smiles)

(Cut to outside one of the ship's windows. There is an explosion, Sylvia is revealed to be controlling the robot power suit. Zoom in on her)
Sylvia: Wander, it's go-time, buddy! AND BY THAT, I MEAN WE GOTTA GO!!! (pauses, looks around) Wander? (runs through the hall) Wander! (looks in a room) WANDER! (looks through a hole) Wander? (crashes through a wall) Wander? (runs down the hall) Wander! (smashes through wall) Wander? (smash) Wander! (smash) Wander! (smash) Wander?

(Cut to Wander balancing three bones on his head)
Wander: Tim, if you're gonna earn three biscuts, (drops them and catches them) ya gotta pay attention! (holds one before Captain Tim)
(There is a rumble sound, part of the wall blasts away revealing Sylvia in the robot power suit)
Sylvia: Get away from him, you-
Wander: Sylvia! (three lasers blast near Captain Tim, he runs off) Captain Tim! (starts to run off but one of the robot's claws grabs him)

(Cut to Sylvia running down the hall)
Sylvia: Come on, pal, we gotta get outta here!
(The timer says :22)
Electronic Voice: This ship will self-destruct in 20, 19, 18 – (grunts) Wow, this is taking forever. Okay if I speed things up?
Sylvia: NONONONONONONONONO!
Electronic Voice: Cool, thanks.
(The timer says :03 then counts down fast and changes to "BOOM!")
Electronic Voice: 3, 2, 1! Boom!
(Parts of the ship start exploding and coming apart one by one)
Sylvia: HOLD ON, BUDDY!
(They burst out of the ship and leave the robot power suit. Wander blows an orbble for he and Sylvia to breathe in and they ride away. Camera shifts to an overview of the ship as a blinding light shines from within it and Sylvia and Wander run off. The ship explodes and orange fire and smoke expand outward and engulf the entire screen. Fade to reveal nothing but debris in space)

(Cut to Wander and Sylvia in the orbble)
Wander: (hugs Sylvia) I'm so happy we got out of there in one piece.
Sylvia: Me too. (Hugs Wander back)
Wander: All three of us!
Sylvia: (slightly surprised) What's that now?
Wander: Me, you and Captain Tim!
Sylvia: Captain Tim?
(There is a growl and Wander's hat wobbles. It lifts to reveal Captain Tim underneath. He snarls, and Sylvia backs up, splitting the orbble in two)
Sylvia: Ah! Wander, whaddya – (stammers) I just blew up that ship trying to destroy that horrible thing!
Wander: (gasps) Horrible? This cute, little booger? Tsk. You're crazy. Look, I've been trainin' him. Captain Tim, sit! (he does) Captain Tim, stand. (he does) Speak. (he sticks out his tongue and yells)
Sylvia: You have got to be kidding me. (pause) I-I-I-I...I can't believe it.
Wander: I know, right? (Captain Tim licks the orbble) I've always wanted a pet, and this little guy's...stolen' my heart, Sylvia. (sniffs, wipes tear, sniffs again) He's stolen my heart! (Captain Tim plows him to the ground and puts his tongue in his mouth) Ah! He's stealing my heart, HE'S STEALING MY HEART!
(Sylvia shrieks, then molds her orbble with Wander's. She grabs Captain Tim and throws him out of the orbble, leaving him to walk on it, roar and bite it)
Sylvia: See?!
Wander: That was probably just a...love bite. (Sylvia scowls and gets a laser gun ready) No, wait.
Sylvia: (stops) Wander...
Wander: I know, I know. Captain Tim is a wild animal. And I can't change the fact that he wants to devour my still-beating heart. But even so, I can't help but love him, Sylvia. With all of my still-beating heart. (Sticks out his finger, Captain Tim tries to bite it) Now, I came here to save whoever was on this ship. And by golly, I will. No matter how many eggs they wanna lay inside my rib cage. If I can't keep Captain Tim, we have to find him a forever home.
Sylvia: But Wander, who'd want a violent, flesh-eating alien for a pet?
Wander: (pause) Ping!

(Cut to a hallway in Lord Hater's ship. The Watchdogs scream and run away from Captain Tim wrecking havoc. He attacks them)
Captain Tim  (x3)
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
 Captain Tim 
Peepers: SIRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
(A whistle blows, Captain Tim stops and begs like a dog. Lord Hater stops blowing his whistle)
Lord Hater: (singsong) Captain Tim! Here boy, here boy!
(Captain Tim clings to Lord Hater's face and bites it all over, and even hides in his hood and scratches his chin. He giggles)
Lord Hater: It tickles. Oh, does it? Oh, Captain Tim, who's a bad boy? Who's a bad boy?
Peepers: But sir, with all due respect I don't think this is the best idea!
Lord Hater: How dare you, Com-mander Peepers? Captain Tim here outranks you. Don't you, boy? You outrank him! He's insubordinate. You love him, yes you do! Yes, you do!
Peepers: But–
(Peepers roars, he screams and runs around with the other Watchdogs)
 Captain Tim  (x3)
Peepers: SIRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

(Pan over to the window where Wander and Sylvia were seeing this. Sylvia does not have her hunting gear on anymore. The ending portion of "My Best Buddy" plays)
Wander: (sobs) Well, Sylvia, (sniffs) It's like they say, if you love something, set it free. (sniffs) If it comes back, it's yours. But if it comes back, tries to rip your face off, stabs you a bunch, and then lays its eggs inside your chest, (wipes tear and sniffs) it wasn't meant to be!
(Scene dissolves to an overview of the ship, we hear Peepers screaming from inside. Wander and Sylvia leave in their orbble)
Wander: Maybe we could visit him sometime?
Sylvia: Absolutely not.
(Cut to black)
Zoo-doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-boo

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