Hater: Stupid Wander! Blew up my top secret storage facility and stole back all the stuff I rightfully stole first! (screams angrily) (woefully) How could this day get any worse? (Captain Tim pins Hater to the floor, causing him to roll.) Captain Tim! Okay! Okay! I give! You win! Who's a good boy? You's a good boy! Ha ha ha!

Hater: Stupid Dominator! Stealing my planet! I HATE HIM SO MUCH! Heel, Tim. Heel.

Hater: Stupid Dominator! Blowing up my concert to impress her! I LIKE HER SO MUCH! Ha ha ha!

Hater: Stupid! Dumb! Terrible! Worst! Day! Ever! Oh, Tim, you always brighten up a bad day! Hahaha!

Hater: Stupid cafeteria! Serving tacos when I specifically asked for taquitos! Captain Tim, this is the worst thing that has ever happened! (silence) The worst thing that has ever happened! (silence) (looks under his bed) Tim? (pulls over his bed sheet and picks up the football) Tim? (looks inside Thunder Blazz bottle) Tim? (standing on his bed) Tim? (behind directory) Tim? (in button room, up close) Tim? (peeking into examination room) Tim? (in torture room) Tim? (in the room that leads to the Pit of Perpetual Pain) Tim? (in the prison hall) Tim? (in the room of caged creatures) Tim? (in the briefing room) Tim? (in the food court) Tim?! (to Watchdog chef) TAQUITOS! (checks the locker room) Tim?!

(A Watchdog named Tim comes out of one of the lockers.)

Tim: You rang?

Hater: Who are you?

Tim: I'm Tim, the lovable Watchdog!

Hater: No, I'm looking for Captain Tim!

Tim: Ooh, I'm a captain now?

Hater: What? Ew, no! You're the wrong Tim and always will be!

Time: My mistake!

Hater: TIIIIIIIII-- (freeze frame, title appears) --IIIIIIM!!

Tim: Yeah? Oops, sorry. Not me.

Hater: Watchdogs! We have toppled mighty empires, laid waste to fearsome enemies. But today we face a mission more important than any we've ever encountered. My Tim-Tim went bye-bye and I don't know where he is I miss my Tim-Tim!

Various Watchdogs: He's gone. We survived! The nightmare is over!

Hater: You happy Tim-Tim is gone?

Peepers :Overjoyed! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo! Oh, uh, sorry, sir. I know you cared for that... thing, but Captain Tim wasn't really a pet so much as a um, hideous monster trying to maul everybody on the ship.

Hater: But he was my hideous monster trying to maul everybody on the ship!

Watchdogs: Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Hater: Well, forget them! I am the great and terrible Lord Hater! I get what I want, when I want, and right now I want my buddy back! I shall unleash all of my power to find him!

Hater: Excuse me, have you seen this Tim? Hey, has anyone tried to eat your face off recently? Do you have a tummy ache? 'Cause sometimes he spits acid in your tummy while you're sleeping. HAS ANYONE SEEN CAPTAIN TIM?!

Ripov: Yeah. I've seen that... thing. Every night in my dreams before I wake up SCREAMING, drenched in sweat and regret.

Hater: So you have seen him then, or--?

Ripov: I know his kind! Arachnomorphs. Blood-sucking, acid-spitting beasts that can tear through the hull of your ship like tissue paper... or your entire crew...

Hater: That's my Tim-Tim!

Ripov: Name's Ripov. I've been trackin' the trail of mayhem and tears his species has spread across the galaxy.

Hater: Kinda like a dogcatcher?

Ripov: Yeah. Kinda. But I'm always one step behind them. Never met anyone 'sides me who came up against one and survived. With your help, I can finally hunt down this monstrosity and every one of his kind!

Hater: I'm really just looking for the one, but great! Let's move!

Hater: My best buddy's name is Captain Tim

There's no one in the universe quite like him

Quick and snappy happy little guy

I love him just so much I think I might... just... die

Hey! I'm having like a moment here!

Ripov: Quiet! I'm scanning for traces of the 'Morph's DNA. Then I'll be able to track him. Nothing. Wait, is this a robot arm?

Hater: Oh, sorry, that was a whole thing. Here, try this. Hey! Careful, that's his favorite Squeepy-beepy!

Ripov: 'Morphs don't have a favorite anything! They're instinct-driven killing machines. If you wanna survive, remember, they don't care about Squeepy-Beepies and they definitely don't care about you.

Hater: That's not true. Captain Tim's a good boy.

Ripov: Quinton VI. 'Morphs wiped out a colonial mining operation. Tried to take my arm with it.

Hater: Oh, yeah? Wander ruined my invasion of Kameron, so Tim cheered me up with some love bites.

Ripov: 'Morph tried to eat me alive on Wutani.

Hater: Drooly acid kisses on Cluckon.

Ripov: Ambush at the Farbrix Lavadrome!

Hater: Game of fetch on Seacironicus V!

Ripov: My grop. So that's where they are.

Hater: What? What is it?

Ripov: It's Arachnomorph mating season.

Hater: Arachno-what's-this-now?

Ripov: Every mating season, the Arachno-Queen summons all eligible males to their home world. They travel on solar winds across the galaxy to fight for the Queen's honor and amusement.

Hater: Um, bros before Arachnos. Tim would never leave me for some monster lady.

Ripov: No emotion! Instinct! They fight to the death! And the lone survivor will emerge as the new Arachno-King.

Hater: Aw, Tim's a scrappy little guy! He can take care of himself!

Hater: It's Captain Tim! Pull over! Pull over!

Ripov: The 'Morph home world. After years of searching, the war is almost over, and nothing will keep the weary warrior from earning her rest on the fiery field of--

Hater: I'm coming, Tim-Tim!

Ripov: Don't open that-- door.

Hater: Umm, sit.

Ripov: You bugs messed with the wrong grizzled loner! I'm not gonna stop until I put down every last one of ya!

Hater: You're gonna what?

Ripov: Bye-bye, Tim-Tim!

Hater: Get away from my special little guy.


Hater: Tim-Tim! Come to da-da!

Ripov: Are you nuts? They're mindless killing machines!

Hater: Look who's talking!

Hater: Ewww, gross! You got a moist towelette in one of those pouches?

Ripov: Quiet, you idiot! You don't want to alert the Queen.

Hater: It's okay. Captain Tim will rescue me any second now.

Ripov: For the last time, no, he's--

Hater: Captain Tim!

Peepers: Sir! I'm sorry I let you go alone, but I'm here to rescue you! No!

Hater: Captain Tim!

Wander: Hater! I saw this missing Tim sign and rushed to--

Hater: Captain Tim!

Sylvia: Wander! I saw this missing Tim sign and assumed you would-- What!

Hater: Captain Tim!

Tim: Nope. Watchdog Tim again. Hey, what's goin' on in here?

Hater: Captain Tim! In your face, Ripov! He beat up all those other jerks and now he's--

Ripov: Doing exactly what I said he was doing. He doesn't care. He can't change. They're just gonna make more little monsters and we're gonna be baby food! Happy?!

Hater: Tim! Mmmm! I missed you so much! Ha! Double fake-out! Captain Tim burned you good!

Tim: Captain Tim burned me good!

Hater: Never leave me again. Never ever ever.

Ripov: You! Pretty impressive. Even I couldn't take out a 'Morph Queen like that. I guess bad things can change.

Wander: Ehhhhhhhhhh?

Hater/Peepers/Wander/Sylvia: Aww!

Hater/Peepers/Wander/Sylvia: Aww!

Hater: Baby steps. Oh. Quit it! Okay! Oh, Tim you always brighten up a bad day!