A bunch of memorable quotes from my 90 minute special "The Wizard of Fun".

Act 1

(After Wander bumps into Sylvia, interrupting the "It's A Beautiful Day" song)

Wander: Oh! Hi, Sylvia! Ready to go to the park? It's a beautiful day for a picnic!
Sylvia: Sorry Wander. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to postpone our picnic at the park until further notice. I have loads of errands to run on other planets and my niece is visiting and well...can you watch her while I do my errands?
Wander: Why not you watch her while you do your errands?
Sylvia: Ugh. Because she's always needy and getting into mischief! So I'm leaving her to you.
Wander: Okay, then! So where's your niece?
Sylvia: She's right here. (Didi comes out) Her name's Didi.
Didi: Funny orange guy! (Giggles)
Wander: Awwww! She's so cute! (holds her) So how long will your errands take?
Sylvia: Probably three or four hours. Maybe five. (looks at her watch) Oh! If you'll excuse me, I have to go. And I promise you, we'll have our picnic as soon as my errands are done. (blows an orbble around her) See ya later, Wander! Don't let Didi get into any trouble!

Wander: I'll watch her with all my might, Syl!
(Didi yawns)

Wander: Aww, looks like someone needs a nap. Don't worry, I have a lullaby for you! (plays his banjo and sings) ♪♪ Go to sleep, Didi sleep, your eyes are feeling really heavy, you're feeling tired, that I can see -- ♪♪ (she's already asleep) ♪♪ That you're already asleep! ♪♪

Didi: (giggles) Your hat, your hat!

Wander: Huh? What about my -- (realizes his hat has turned blue) What the? How the heck did my hat turn blue?! That I have no clue.

Wander: Didi, I've a feeling we're not on Planet Opism anymore.
Bad Witch Hater: Just let me get these boots from Little Witch Westley's feet -- (the boots disappear) WHERE DID THEY GO!?

Good Witch Sylvia: They left Westley's, and they're now Wander's. (reveals she transferred the boots to Wander's feet)
Little Witch Westley: Aww man, now I'll get foot bites!
Bad Witch Hater: GIVE ME THOSE BOOTS!!!
Good Witch Sylvia: You can't have these boots, not even in this part of Planet Oz.
Bad Witch Hater: Ohhh, that's what you think, but I will get those boots real soon! (To Wander) As for you, I'll be watching everything you do. I'll get you my yokel, and your little Zbornak kid, too.
Didi: Bad witch! Bad bad bad witch! (blows raspberry)

Bad Witch Hater: Bad Witch Hater out! (disappears)

Act 2

Act 3

Act 4

Act 5

(Wander ends up splashing Bad Witch Hater with water, causing him to melt)

Bad Witch Hater: AAAHGGGGHHHH!!! You cursed yokel! Look at what you've done to me! I'm melting! And it's all your fault! I am not waterproof and this is what happens! Now I'm melting into oblivion and it's all your fault!!! All your fault!!! Ohhh, look out! I'm going away!! Ohhhhhhhh...

Wander: Okay, I'm ready to go home now. So how do these boots of mine work?

Good Witch Sylvia: It's simple: Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself: "There's no place like home, there's no place like home".
Wander: "There's no place like home"? Well, that's interesting. I sure hope this works... (closes eyes)
Everyone else: Goodbye, Wander!/See you soon!/Goodbye!/We'll miss you!/Happy trails!

(Wander taps his heels three times and repeatedly says "There's no place like home")
Wander: My! That was a strange dream. Come on, Didi, let's go find your aunt.
Wander: I was also wearing these boots, and they were red and shiny!

Sylvia: Speaking of boots, where did you get those boots?

Wander: (looks down to notice he's still wearing the Shiny Red Boots and gasps) The boots from my dream! I have no idea.
Wander: (last lines) Oh Sylvia...there's no place like home.

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